General

The extrovert and the introvert part of me

I remember when I’m being extrovert a few years back. It was the time when what i need is to gather with my friends instead of being alone. And yes, i do have a lot of friends. And every week, most of the days i spent to meet with them. Either going out to watch a movie together or just hanging out in a cozy cafe. I do remember how it feels. When what i do is smile and laugh. And what my heart is full of excitement every day. But since that severe broke up and broken heart i experienced with the person i truly love, i truly trust, i’ve changed. To be more introvert. And then, what i need is a “stand-alone” moments most of the hours for a day. I prefer to sit and listen to the calm and mellow music, drawn into my own world, and just … Imagining things. Dream. (and of course do my own thing by my own). And i do most withdrawal when it comes to interact with people, with strangers. Suddenly i became so fragile and so protective to my own heart, as i am afraid to get hurt again. It’s like: “better to be alone so no one could hurt you, or bother you”. But isn’t it painful of being alone? Indeed it is. But it is a lot more painful if someone you care so much hurt you. It’s like that you actually hurting yourself. Most of the times i feel lonely, i realize not because that i am lonely. Maybe a part of me from the past keep chasing me: “why are you being so different?”. Or maybe another part of me is just too desperate to get on board again, to the boat where it sails towards the rising sun.

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