Let go our dreams, and He will grab our open arms

Months ago, I chatted with my old friend when I was staying in Singapore 7 years ago. We shared some things, especially for what has happened in our lives. He is a godly man and a secure mature man, who is still in his waiting to meet his life-partner. I asked him, “how do you feel regarding your dream to get married?”, and he replied “I feel great. I won’t give up in waiting for Him to fulfill His promises”.

And then we both were sharing our dreams, our desires…

And I was amazed for the faith he has in God. He enjoys his life as a single man where we can say that he has reached a maturity age where he should be getting married. But he’s feeling very secure of his future, including finding his soul-mate. He is never worried, and he is never count the days to reach another older age, but still … single.

There were moments, a quite long and difficult moments where my aim of meeting new people, joining new communities ended up to find a lover, the one who could be my future husband someday. But the harder I’ve tried, the farther I am reaching my goal. I didn’t even find anyone. And my dream didn’t even getting any closer. Yes, I was desperate, seeing all my closest friends are either going to get marry or already married, and I feel like all alone now. And confused: to whom should I share things with?. But many say that you just need to give in your dreams to God, and He will make it happen. If we still hold our dreams on our own hands, He will let go of His hands. But if we give in our dreams to Him and we don’t hold on into something, His hands would be completely open to grab our hands. He will guide us in every single way.

Sometimes there are dreams or goals that we are standing on. Deep down we know that God has put those dreams or goals to our hearts. He has birthed it on the inside. And He promised to give blessing to our dreams and goals in His own time. But so often, it’s taking a long time and we’ve been through disappointments. We get negative and start thinking that it will never happen. And then, we just give up and never believe that He is able to do everything anymore.

The reason many people don’t see God’s promised fulfilled is because they become discouraged and give up too soon. But just because we don’t see anything happening, doesn’t mean that God is not working. Just because it takes a long time doesn’t mean God ran out of options. Our minds might be saying: it’s over, our emotions might be saying: no way it could ever happen, circumstances might looked impossible, but doesn’t mean that God won’t do what He said.

He is faithful, and all His promises are “yes” and “amen”. That means if we do our part and believe although it seems impossible and not be shaken by surrounding’s situations, conditions, or influences, then God’s promises in due season and at the right time, He will bring it to pass. It may not happen the way we expect it or on our timetable. But it will happen when it’s time. That’s what He said in Hebrews 13:5B, “I will not in any way fail you or leave you without support”.

For every battle we must face, He will give us strength. For every decision should be made, He will give us wisdom. For every loneliness we feel, He will give us comfort. And there will be understanding that would bring peace in our hearts. God will vindicate the wrongs that have been done, He will pay back for unfair situations, He will turn out every sorrows into dancing, tears into laughter. He promised He will not only bring our dreams to pass but He will give us even the secret desires of our hearts.

I am the type of person that always been worried for most of the times. And it’s hurting me. It’s a painful way to live. I am 26 years going on 27 in a few weeks. I was so worried that I couldn’t find anybody that can suits me to be my life-partner. Many of my friends said: “you are still young. Explore, and enjoy”. But the thing is that to build a small family is my dream, as I missed that since I was little kid. And I believe that God put this in my heart, to fix what is broken. I love the feeling to realize that every morning I wake up, I have someone that is count on me to make his life a great life to live, especially in taking care of his daily life. But until today, I just haven’t find anyone that is compatible enough. And I am still waiting. Waiting for His promises to be fulfilled in my life. It’s not that I met guys, and get too picky. But in choosing life-partner, I believe that we have to be very sensitive in God’s guidance so we don’t make wrong choices. And in order to get His guidance, I believe that we should build a close relationship with God, so we understand His desires in marriage and in deciding who should be the one we are walking on the aisle with, we should be able to listen to His voice.

So I was giving in my dream to Him. And amazingly, peace came to me and I am enjoying my loneliness now. It’s the moment where I could really communicate with Him without anybody interrupting. Well, sometimes I’m still falling, feeling lonely and pity myself. But when I am alone, I don’t feel down and so lonely anymore. I just talk to God and ask Him so many things. And there … I could hear His voice clearly.

God’s heart is hurting when we say that we are alone, because the fact is that we N E V E R be alone. He is here, closer than we ever thought.

For everything, there is a season ~Ecclesiastes 3:1

And for everything that happen in our lives, there is always a reason to understand, that God is always in control.

So … let go, and let He grabs our open arms.

HE wants to teach me a lesson

Beberapa bulan lalu, aku memutuskan untuk kembali ke tanah air, tempat segalanya bermula. Aku bertekad mencari keberuntungan hati yang lebih baik. Banyak harapan ditanamkan ketika keputusan itu keluar dari dalam hatiku. Banyak hal aku nantikan ketika hari dimana aku hendak memulai lembaran baru di sini kian mendekat. Dan seolah aku berkata: “Oh, I can’t wait to see what is going to happen in the next few days, weeks, or months”. Berharap sesuatu akan terjadi dalam waktu sesingkat itu, namun ternyata aku tenggelam dalam karya imajinasi hati yang pernah terluka, namun belum terpulihkan.

Bermimpilah ketika kamu waras, jangan ketika niatmu hanya keluar dan lari dari masalah. Jangan bermimpi ketika hatimu terluka, akan ada banyak harapan yang kemudian di kecewakan kembali karena semua itu adalah semu.

Aku menerima begitu banyak berkat dari Tuhan di awal perjalanan lembaran baruku ini. Sebelum aku di wisuda, aku sudah mendapat panggilan kerja di tempat yang aku impikan, tanpa susah dan jerih payah. Kemudian aku diterima, dan segalanya berjalan dengan lancar. Segalanya terlihat begitu menyenangkan, hingga aku dengan percaya diri dapat berkata: “Aku bahagia di sini”. Dan saat itu, aku percaya bahwa aku bisa bahagia. Aku diberkati dengan lingkungan kerja dan tugas harian di kantor yang begitu menyenangkan, dimana setiap aku bangun pagi, aku selalu bisa berkata: “I love to go to work”. Aku mendapatkan tempat tinggal yang terbaik, dan kisah pencarian tempat tinggalku itu pun penuh dengan kejutan dari Tuhan. Accidentally passing by the place, the best place in terms of location and its environment. Aku diberkati dengan kotbah mingguan yang selalu tepat mengena sesuai kebutuhanku. Aku diberkati dengan segala fasilitas yang ada di kota yang banyak orang bilang: kota dimana perjuangan tidak pernah berakhir.

Dari kebahagiaan duniawi yang semu, aku kemudian membangun satu demi satu harapan. Dan segalanya diruntuhkan olehNya.

Aku pikir Tuhan menempatkanku di situasi dan tempat seperti yang aku jelaskan di atas dengan tujuan memang di sini lah letak kebahagiaanku, di sini lah akhirnya apa yang aku dambakan dan impikan, Tuhan berikan. Ternyata … tidak. Nampaknya bukan itu yang Tuhan maksudkan, meletakkan aku dalam segala kondisi yang aku pikir sudah sempurna.

Kehidupan itu memang tidak pernah sempurna.

Semuanya perlahan-lahan berputar arah menjadi suatu kondisi dimana canda dan tawa berubah menjadi hari-hari penuh kebisuan dan tangis. Tekadku, membuat semua orang mengerti diriku. Membuat semua orang tahu siapa aku. Dan membuat semua orang menerima aku apa adanya. Tapi kenyataan berkata lain. Mereka berbalik menyerang aku. Atau setidaknya, keaadaan tidak sesuai dengan yang aku kira pada mulanya..

Dan aku terus bergumul, dan bertanya pada Tuhan. The “why” of everything that happen.

Lalu Tuhan menjawab: “you are here not to get what you are dreamed about, but you are here because I want to teach you a lesson, I want to form you to be who I want you to be”.

A precious lesson yang aku belum tentu bisa dapatkan dimana pun dan kapan pun kalau bukan waktunya memang Tuhan yang berikan. Bahwa harapan-harapan yang aku bangun ini, harapan-harapan yang aku miliki selama ini, tidak bisa dibangun dengan landasan yang lemah, yaitu manusia. Tapi aku harus mengubah fokusku pada Tuhan, yang BERJANJI untuk menyediakan hal yang indah di balik semua situasi pahit yang ada.

Sebuah pelajaran dimana kehidupan yang berbahagia ada ketika pandangan kita sepenuhnya berpaku pada Tuhan terlepas dari siapa pun dan apa pun yang ada di dalam hidup kita. Dan pelajaran tersebut bukan bertujuan untuk menghukumku, namun untuk membentuk aku menjadi seorang pribadi yang Dia inginkan aku menjadi. Seorang pribadi yang sudah Dia rencanakan dari semula.

My big brother always say whenever I am down: “do not look God as a Figure that gives you punishment, because He does not punish you, and He will never punish you”.

“Rest in Him, and you will find peace. For He has the future, as He has the past”.

Dan ketika aku berada di jalanan berbatu, tersandung dan terjatuh, aku mengingatkan diriku: “you better live with no one than you live without Him. Focus your mind and your soul to Him alone”.

Dan kemudian aku berjalan dengan tegak kembali sambil tersenyum.

Detik itu, adalah detik dimana aku berdamai dengan kesendirianku.