When grief yield creativity

It is funny..

I once told that if I made my tears fall, the world will also feel the same feeling I am feeling. And then, the rain will fall, because the angels cry with me.

Some people, who just never really care for me, will hear this as a childhood joke. But for some who cares for me, will see this as unique thing to find out the truth. Well, for any unexplainable reasons, somehow, somewhere, like how a fairy tale tells its story, it becomes true. Anyway, I am not writing this to make everybody believes this story.

So, today.. was a gloomy Sunday. For the whole day, the city never stopped raining, from the moment I woke up, even until the night falls.

I was depressed, yes I was in pain, as yesterday something hit my feelings and I was stricken by tremendous confusion. And it was related to the recent emotional state I am struggling with.

The moment I swallowed my anger, was the moment when the hard wind came and blew the city.

The moment I held my tears, was the moment when the drizzle fell.

The moment I cried and felt that pain, was the moment when the heavy rain wet the city.

After almost one week the city never rained, it was really strange that it rained through these two days. Dark weather and thick clouds covering each corner of it.

So I just assumed that perhaps … the angels were expressed what my heart felt, just like I was told a long time ago.

This weekend, Ma was here, in the city. Visiting me as I did not feel like I want to come with Da to go with his car community. So she accompanied me, stayed in the residence I currently rent.  I thought that I wanted to be alone, just enjoying myself to explore the city alone. But when Ma insisted, what can I say? I just accepted her goodwill. But God knew what will really happened. And He actually sent Ma to calm me down, and be there for me, because He knew, I could never face this all by myself. Even by the time Ma went back, and as I reached back to residence, I burst into tears.

But the funny part was that my grief brought creativity, and I reorder my room while crying …

The new look






I sent the above picture to Ma. She laughed and appraised me for what I’ve done. “Look how tidy your work is. You turned the room into even more comfortable than it already was”, she said (Sorry.. I don’t have the previous picture of the room). And I replied: “well, I did not even realize that I had this idea if I was not in a really bad emotional condition like I am in this two days. I did this to vent my emotional feelings”.

Well, being upset yield creativity evidently.

And then I went to the gym after reordering the room.

And then I felt better.

And then the rain stopped.


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