The night with you, and the memoar

It was a beautiful night. No jam around the area. Bright night with no rain. Spent the hours with you, the outsider I trust the most for the past 5 years. Yes. 5 Years. We have known each other for 5 years already. And our relationship has been grown since then. Filled with the closeness and the  distance of our relationship. But yet until today, we’ve become closer and closer, as a brother and a sister.

I still remember the days, the weeks, the months, and the year when I was deeply falling in love with you. I still remember each moments that made me feel like being showered with love everyday. We talked with our own language, where no one could understand the hidden message we’ve been trying to deliver. They said: “it’s too complicated”, when they hear or see us talking.

No one would understand what were the feelings did we had put behind every lines, whether it was disappointment, sadness, excited, in love, broken, or something else. Like we had our own world, drown into it, and imagining a lot of things.

Called each other by our own “self-made” nicks, I never forget how I always awakened by the thoughts of you at dawn. Each dawn. Sleepless nights was paid by the morning full of hopes and wishes, wondering what would happen for tomorrow, what other surprises you would let me to experience, and let them written in my life-long memories.

Waiting for the day to pass as we often had a bunch of plans to spend time together, with the others, or just the two of us, I still remember a few moments before I was going to meet you. Full of excitement, full of joy.

I never forget how I learned hardly to understand your complicated world, and how I was willing to be complicated so I could be compatible enough for you.

But most of all, I never forget how you made me feel. The love I used to have for that unforgettable 1 year, has brought me into the world of maturity when love is become the base of everything. You had taught me another side of loving somebody.

And when I decided to flew away my heart, put all the feelings inside the box and lock it, you left me your most favorite thing to be one of my favorite thing as well. And each time I pass by the brew, the smell always reminds me you, the figure behind that cup you always drink.

There were also the time, a long big gap became a bridge for each of us to cross. You were gone and I just didn’t know where to find you. You were suddenly a stranger to me. 3 months. That 3 months full of misery, where it ended up on a gloomy corner at a restaurant up on the hill, deciding how the two of us would go. That night, I just wanted to gave up, and moving on with my own, without you being in it. But I would never, ever, forget, you.

You had changed from that day. A lot. And you are not the only one who changed. It’s both of us. New love stories come and go, but still, here we are, chatting and sharing my deepest secret while having a dinner and a supper afterwards. You’re the only outsider who I could trust to show my tears without being ashamed, the only outsider I could being the real me. You know the meaning of my smiles, my love, or even my silence mean in certain conditions without I’m telling it first, you are the only one who understands.

And I don’t have anyone special around me currently, but you, you just become one, because again, you are the only one who understands me, my whole life – yesterday and today -, and my dream.

Because I remember clearly when I was in that tough relationship after you, you never left. You still there, be by my side, and give me that kind of love I need. You never gave up. And I realized from there, how much you cared for me.

Even until today, you never leave, as you promised a long time ago. There will never be enough “thank you” to be said, because you had given me a lot, sacrificed many things, and been patience enough to remain present in my life.

And if anybody ask me that would I consider you, given any circumstances, the answer might be: “yes”.

To learn to love you once again, why can’t I do that if I had done that a long time ago..


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