I was back in my hometown. Just an ordinary Sunday. Went to the church where I usually go, I was there, sitting alone at the second level of the building, waiting for the hour for me to join with the others and get ready for the second service. No one was there yet, so it just came through my mind, my memory the moment I looked around the surrounding. I was so drown in doubt for myself. “Have I moved on?”, when some people keep telling me that I haven’t, and how they keep pushing me to the edge by saying: “you better get settle and move on fast”. Without anybody becomes my mirror, I instantly assumed that I have not moved on from anything, not a single step I made it forward. But then, when I was thinking about it deeply, I realized that what others said, was wrong.
Still remember the moment when you were sitting there, at the corner of the rear seat. You were not alone, or should I say, you preferred not to be alone, “so nobody would suspect me anything”. You were so cold, you were so distant. I should’ve be aware of what will it led us to. It was the moment when we were fighting, and when it was going to be over. But yet, God gave us a second chance. A second chance when He finally showed, that it was never meant to work. I still remember the pain you put through me, and how I went into hell by living it. But somehow, I passed it. I passed it by going through the denials as well as rigors. And by me sitting there, the glimpse of those memories suddenly appeared. That second I sat there, looked at behind of the place where you were used to sat, I felt no pain anymore. And those rows now just become an ordinary rows where anybody could sit, and you are no longer become a shadow at the corner of my eyes. And this is the story how I had moved on. How that pain, was no longer felt here, in my heart, the moment everything just came through my memory, even the moment when I tried to remember it. Some might still haunting me, and most of the things, they just blend together with the air I blew. It’s true when people said that the pain you experience, it will be gone without you even realizing it. You just need one thing: to feel the pain, so it then slowly will become invulnerable. That’s when your heart getting stronger. There is no benefit in avoiding the pain, because you will meet it again someday eventually. So I tried to divert the feeling of being pressured by the pain and get depressed, to something else, something worthy to be gained. Without I noticed the positive changes I gained towards the path (the muscle through the regular work out), the pain went away. And I then, I found myself there, had actually moved on for quite some time. Able to eat or drink the foods or beverages that I used to love or consumed, able to visit to the place I used to go, able to passing the place I used to pass without having to get any glimpse of memories..