Thursday, 4.33PM, my cubicle.
Oh God.. I just wanna get back to my hometown.. As fast as I could. I don’t want to work over time. I just want to rushing back to the pool, get into the bus, and sleep, and wake up when I reach the city.
These few days have been quite a day for me. A tough one. I was sick on early of this week. When my friend from Bandung visited me in the city during the weekend, we went out for the full day. And I got too tired, and I caught a cold. And this week is my first “relieving” week for me, as that annoying partner had gone. For good. It was quite a peaceful moment as I occupied with bunch of work. I would prefer to be fully occupied rather than being idle. Though I was sick, but I enjoyed my solitude. Well, I guess “fully independent” is who and what I am. I enjoy every bit of it.
Anyway, back to the focus here. Most of the times, interacting with my current colleagues seem to be the most tiring thing. In the next few weeks, oh gosh, I’m gonna have a company outing, which I would prefer not to come as I knew a lot of energy would be absorbed when I am with them.
Why? That’s a good question, and that is the reason I would like to unload my burdens in this post.
One of them has a fluctuate mood. When she has a rough day, when she hates her colleague, when she is burden with a lot of work, she will get fed-up and then all that emotions or angers are transferred to me. Sometimes we are so close. But in some other times, we are so distant.
Another one does not has respect towards me. Most of the times I am treated arbitrarily, and all people should follow what she wants. If not, she will get upset.
Another one closes his eyes on me, as I don’t exist.
Another one underestimates me. When I push him to do what he does and get the schedule on time, he never feel what I ask to him is that important.
Another one doesn’t believe me that I could do something bigger.
Another one always argue with me.
And then, there was none. I got no friend at work. But that’s okay with me. Because I would prefer to befriended with my own computer and works, and then when I am finish, I would go to the gym to release all the emotions.
And I would prefer silence, because silence is what I need, the one and only cover. Silence protects me.
That’s why I would prefer to be alone during these days. Imagine, that my days at work are that exhausting. I might become too sensitive. But what can I do if I am an individual formed with emotions that can feel the empathy so deep until I am able to touch everyone’s hearts when they feel certain feelings.
And I have not been gone back to my hometown, where a house feels like a home, for few weeks. And I miss, I miss my hometown, although a lot of bitter things feeding me off when I am there, but still, it is the only place I know I would always love and miss during hard days and hard times like these. I knew it’s the only place where I could rest during weekends, or day-offs. Though my friends have been gone, but they are still there, their hearts are still there for me, with me.
And especially Ma.
At this time I would say that I am gonna cry, while writing this. Because until this time, 5.01PM, there is something I need to finish before I take off, heading to Bandung, since I am taking a day off tomorrow. I booked a travel to Bandung for three different schedules. 7PM, 8PM, and 9PM, because I don’t know when exactly I could finish this stupid work. The thing is that this work is hampered because I am waiting for my colleague to finish his part, and my part is to check his work and then release the data to be sent to the client. But he is so slow, and, gosh … I really couldn’t work in this country. The laziness .. I couldn’t stand for it.
I am this upset because I really want to get on the travel on the earliest schedule I booked, that is 7PM. And the earliest I get on board, the earlier I reach my hometown. I really need, really need to breath the air of my secure zone. Please God, let me breath freely.
And I just don’t know, I don’t know why and why and why God allows me to experience this kind of thing, when I really really really need to break.