It’s been 2 weeks I haven’t written any post here. A lot had happened, I should’ve share them here. I just had not got the time to write anything!
I’ve been occupied with so many things lately. Work has the biggest portion of it. Well, actually I C O U L D really spare some time to write. But I was too tired already when I got home, and when I am at office, there were too many things to handle. And also during the working hours I got so many meetings outside the office, while during the resting time, I would use it to get my mind busy with activities such as exercising or watching TV series as a refreshment. My weekends? Well, the last 2 weekends I was occupied with overtime work till 9.00PM (crazy isn’t it?), and I went to Belitong with my workmates (I had fun as well as got too exhausted since we went after a week of overtime). I will share my experience while I was there on the next post =)
Anyway, I just want to share what I had discovered during the missing 2 weeks I did not exist in this virtual world.
As I shared in the few post that I am in the phase where I am really really get lost in what I truly want to do, what my dream is, what kind of future that I want to live in, I did a lot of thinking. I thought that by living what I have now without doing so much thinking would be so much easy and all the burdens will feel so much lighter. It indeed is. But then, I got so bored and my mind got stuck! And I’m drowned into a big dark hole of depression. Because this is about me, trying to find something about my life, my passion, my dream, my future, it definitely has to be me that make a turn before everything is going too far and too late to fix things. I did made a lot of mistakes, especially when it was about making big decisions in how my days ahead are going to be. God gave us the freewill, we are entitled to make our own decision, walking on our own decided path. And once we walk on the wrong decided path, the loads of consequences are mostly torture us in the foreseeable future.
I had walked on that road.
And it changed me.
So I took a step to think about it. Every time I was thinking about it, I asked God: “what, God. What should I do, how should I be?”.
I did cry a lot. Every time I took a step inside of my 7×10 feet room, I felt like I am imprisoned and no room to grow. I know that it’s a physical look. But by living in that size of room, my mind would also goes where my body lives through nights. Sometimes when my day is so exhausting, I wish that someone could welcome me and ask me how was my day. But not even a family I could find in any corners.
Until one day, few days ago to be exact, I was invited to the opening ceremony of the biggest IT exhibition in Indonesia, Indocomtech, by the Chairman of the event’s host. I am pretty close with him, as his group always using our data as their references to speak in many press conferences. I went with my Boss, two of us, fascinated by the performance of the opening dance in front of the Minister of Telecommunication and few of the host’s supreme heads. Somehow, I was excited watching the beautiful moves of the dancers, following the rhythm of the playing music on the side of the stage.
From that moment, I realized what my passion is.
Oh, I knew it! I should have attended art school. I had a dream since I was child, to be an architect, because I was addicted to drawing. Too bad I had not gotten enough support from my family to sharpen my art skill from the very beginning of my age, and it’s just lost.
Before I went to Singapore to continue my study in a higher-degree, I was planned to be an interior designer. A lot of interior books bought. I did applied to some of design schools in Canada, but was rejected because my portfolios were still using ruler to draw a room’s composition. So I gave up and then I enrolled to a Hospitality and Tourism major, the one that I really did not understand what it was about. And then I made another mistake on the second chance. Without knowing what do I really want, I applied to a Business school in Malaysia, minoring in Entrepreneurship, where that time, I was thinking to apply to design school. But I lost my confident to be a designer.
On the way back to the office, my Boss asked me: “do you like music?”. I eagerly replied: “a lot, Sir!”. Just yesterday, I got a bad news, that my bass guitar, Yamaha RBX A2, had officially gone missing. I brought it back from Malaysia to here, and it was lost on the way here, the baggage never appeared on the belt. So I reported it, and the airlines just confirmed that they couldn’t find it anywhere in the world! I was really sad. I had my guitar in my room at the boarding house, and sometimes I play it when I feel like want to let something out, because they said: “musicians paint their feelings through music”. I sing when I’m taking a shower, but I listen to the music, brought my iPad or iPhone with music played on the background into the bathroom when I’m feeling down or broken, because they said: “music heals”. I play piano, random notes, when I couldn’t let my feelings out, and I listen to every drum or bass beats when I listen to the music, and how they are able to make my body move wherever I am without shame. I even listen to the music, and never took the earphones off during working hours. I draw random pictures when I got bored in a meeting filled with a lot of people, and I took longer time to take a look pictures rather than reading articles. I am so addicted to writing as I am doing know, sharing things and writing various things into this blog. I am willing to go through heavy domains just to take great views with my SLR, get sunburned, and carry so much weight. I could sit the whole day without moving my butt off to edit the photos I took from my camera (rather than auditing data =P). I am not an expert in musical instruments or any kind of arts, but they are my breath, art is.
I believe that’s what we called it “PASSION”.
Yes. I now had found my passion is. I really want to work in an art industry. I have no idea yet what kind of work would suits my background (which is Business), but I certainly would try hard to find it. I don’t want to make another mistake, particularly regarding my own future. I started to think of myself right now. Perhaps, other women would think that eventually every women would leave the professional world and get more focused in taking care of their families. As for me, since I don’t really bother a lot about getting marriage anymore, I really want to make my future to be wonderful, full of hopes and fulfilled dreams.
You should ass well, chasing your dream, what you are passionate about =)