The 8Y’s day

Today is one of my ex’s birthday ~ happy birthday anyway – and I congratulated him. He was the one who had been spent the unforgettable 8 years with me, since high school till I entered college for the second time.  I sent him a general and normal greetings through the chat apps on my phone. Funny thing was that I remembered his birthday since last night, and then when I woke up, but I greeted him in the afternoon. I delayed my intention to greet him as early as possible, since now he already has a girlfriend of his own.

Why so?

Well, my relationship with him was really good, even after we broke up. We left each others’ lives peacefully, no resentment, or bitterness, or anger, or hatred. We were being best friend for couple of months after we broke up, even after he got a new girlfriend. We told stories to each other, we shared things even the private things that we once shared when we were together, we visited each others’ families, we sometimes went out together and had meals. I thought that our friendship would last for that long, until God-knows-when.

But the truth is not as I imagined.

I am, single, with no one to share to. Of course I need to. When I was lonely, at least I got him as my best friend to tell what I had in mind, or what I felt in heart. And he always be the one that could understand me, for sure, we were together for 8 years. Of course when we were being best friend, there were no love between us. I was still in love with my last ex, and of course he was in love with his girlfriend. It was a pure friendship-relationship, what we had.

This afternoon, when I greeted him birthday wishes, well, there was nothing much to say. Normally when we made a contact, we always had something to talk about. Like how things had been, and stories to tell. But there was no more like that. It was a really short one, like “thanks” and “how are you”, and then we made a full stop. I did want to talk about how things had been in his life since I saw his success stories about his business with his girlfriend. And I also needed someone to talk, about how I made some huge progress. We always talked such things.

I did feel sad, since for me, he was the best boyfriend ever, and also my best buddy ever. I lost him. Of course I would, but I did not imagine that it would be like this.

Well, after all, I knew I should give him and his girlfriend a huge space, their own room.

I had lost several people because another person had entered to their lives. Like new girlfriend/boyfriend, wife/husband, kid/s. And as for me, who is still single, living outside my home, alone, is quite depressing when there are few friends only to relied to. Sometimes I pity myself, and some other times I enjoy being alone.

Well, I am still figuring out why God put me in such situation, with no one in the town could support me. But I see myself in the mirror, getting stronger and more mature.

Perhaps, God is trying to form me to be someone I could never imagine. And it’s big thing.

Goodbye my very very very best guy. Be happy for your life, I wish you a great success for the dream you always wanted, I wish you a wonderful future in each aspect of your life. And I am looking at your wedding invitation with her name craved on it =) God be with you always!


Me and the healthy life

For some people who knows my daily activity, I do nothing other than going to the gym during my idle time. Most of the times I go everyday on weekdays, and one time on weekends. I was told most of my friends that I aim for building my muscle, to get toned. But the fact is I was so afraid of getting myself to be fatter as the job I am in right now requires me to sit in front of the computer all day long. That means, no movement for the whole 8 hours other than refill my water bottle! I knew what that would cause me. Bigger! So on the next month after I entered my current company, I enrolled to a gym near my office as well as near my boarding house, so I won’t get too lazy to go there or I can go anytime I want. The gym is actually a club house, where there are so many facilities that members can use, such as swimming pool, tennis court, squash, gym itself, children playground, martial arts classes, Pilates center, boot camp class, and it also has direct access to the sports center which has a soccer field and running field. I was too skinny that moment because of the surgery held in Malaysia. At first I was so focused on getting my muscle strong. Of course I will gain my weight as the weight shown on the scale is the weight of the muscle. Well, at least it was not the weight of the fat.

Since I came back from Malaysia till the next six months I practice my muscle, I gained about 6kgs. But I did not get fatter, as all the outfits I have can still suit me very well. And I realized that some parts of my body getting stronger. And I almost got the shape I wanted, I just need to exercise a little bit more. But I did not really do cardio. Cardio for me is just to get my body warm before lifting weights. And it’s boring. And too tiring.

But the worst nightmare has attacked, where I found myself gain another weight when I did not do any exercise. It all started when I was hospitalized because of the malnutrition and severe dehydration. I was eating too clean, no salt added on my meal, and did not have enough drink to replace all the lost ion as I exercise too hard. I had to replace what had been lost to recover by having anything while resting the whole week! So I changed the way I eat after I return to the city. Still the similar clean-eating menu, but I don’t know why I can’t get back to the last weight before I was hospitalized. I gained another weight instead, which was another 3kgs in total from the last number. My outfits were a bit more tight, though it’s still the same outfits I wear when I was in Malaysia. Just, … tight. And some parts of my body becomes “too sexy” to be shown, so I need to cover them up – you know what I mean.

I realized that it was also caused of I had too many things on my mouth during many days-off and my holiday in Belitong. I did not control what I had.

I am so devastated to get myself leaned, not toned anymore. But I just don’t know how, and I don’t understand why things must turn to be this mess. Most of my friends told me: “hey you are getting fatter!” when they see me (I don’t understand why it is so shameful to be fatter, but they made it sounded like it is). I don’t mind getting fatter as long as I don’t get the teasing words as many Indonesian would do when they see their friends getting fatter. As I heard in the radio that it’s not polite to say such words in Western countries.

Yes, most of the times I am depressed to think how to get leaned and lose the fat-weight. Well, those above story was just an introduction..

So I switch to another focus where doing lots of cardio is on my top list. Because only by doing lots of cardio, we can lose our weight. So I started running. It was really tried and heave at first, I felt my body was burning after I do 2K, and it is not comfortable. But I pushed myself to run at least 5K in each run. A lot of sweats, and exhausted as your whole body moving, but after? I somehow got that satisfaction from finishing my few Ks. Doing cardio is turned out to be fun where I first thinking that it was the most boring sports. I am able to sleep quietly because I am too tired after running. It feels good.

Lately I was looking to level-up my endurance by practicing for triathlon. Triathlon is a multiple-stage endurance sport involving the completion of swimming, cycling, and running in one sequel. I’m aiming for the shortest one: swimming 750m, cycling 18K, and running 5K. Well, I haven’t done any race yet, I just practice, practice, and practice for my endurance while keep looking for the most possible race I can join one day – because joining a triathlon means that you need to go somewhere else other than this city.

And of course I still eating clean meals in about 80% of a week, still cook my own lunchbox / dinner when I am at work. The other 20%? I just enjoy my life. You need to, get cheat once in a while =P

I have super smoothies for breakfast containing oatmeal, 2 kinds of fruits, honey or I just have oatmeal mixed with soy milk and fruits on the side. I have salad and panned fish or chicken breast with boiled potato or broccoli or sandwich for lunch. I have fruits or muesli for afternoon snack. I have whole grain sandwich for dinner which is before workout. I have protein shakes for post-workout meal to recover my damage muscle. I changed the normal salt with diet salt (50% less), butter to be 75% less fat butter, sugar with honey, white toast with whole grain toast, oil with olive oil, fried with boiled or steamed, and of course lots and lots of water (3-4lt water a day – that’s why my bag now is heavy as I always bring about 1.5 water bottle). You can make your healthy menus taste good if you know how. I enjoy what I am eating =)

I count how many steps I have in a day, I sleep and wake up early (10 PM – 5 or 6 AM), exercise 4-5 days a week. I prefer to manage my daily activity for a healthy life other than going somewhere and spend for some things that are not worth to spend for your future. But this, living a healthy life, this is the investment you make for your old life. It is not money, but it’s a future.

I decided not to be too concern of my weight anymore, because I realized it would depressed me even more. So I decided to get healthy. With eating clean meals, exercise regularly, I believe I would get a healthy life when I am old. I see my Dad, as a diabetes, he can’t do much or go anywhere far or eat anything he likes to eat. And I don’t want that. I want to have a great life ahead, even when I am old. I want to not to depend on people because I am ill. I want to stand strong and look young all the time. And I need to start from now.

Weight lost? Get leaned? Is just the side effect. But the main purpose is to get yourself healthy and to feel good about yourself.

Why not start now?