The short story of how I had moved on

Merry Christmas!

And wish you a Happy New Year!

Yeah, I know it’s late. I planned to update this blog two times in December 2014. First is on Christmas’ Eve, and second is on New Year’s Eve. But I was too busy on those days as I was involved on the church’s event in both days, and then I was too exhausted to write on the next day, along with the extremely slow internet connection at home made me gave up my intention to write. So as I heard that few people would start working on the first Monday of 2015, I decided to update it at the office. This gonna be a long post. So, be patient and enjoy each word of it.

I enjoyed my Christmas with a brand new eyes. 3 days before Christmas, I had done iLasik surgery at one of the Eye’s Hospital in Jakarta. Da paid it to me. For me, it was the best Christmas present ever. Normally, Da would send me money for me to celebrate Christmas in my own way. I thought that having an iLasik surgery is scary as we need to keep both of the eyes open during the process, but the fact is it is not. I spent not more than 15 minutes inside the operating room. Well, the waiting itself was quite long, that was make the surgery looks scary as I kept imagining unnecessary things. On the Christmas’ Eve day itself, I had my vision 100% clear, and I could sing at church comfortably. Thank God to make this happen. I could never dream more than having a clear and bright vision. And the dream had came true, I have vision just like normal people have.

Christmas’ Eve. I was standing in front of hundreds people as a Song Leader. Few months before the day, I was hoping that I could get involved in one of any Christmas event at my church. And God had granted me the wish to be a Song Leader on Christmas’ Eve. The surprising thing that the musicians themselves were the family of my ex’s. But the most surprising thing that I care no more! I recalled my last year’s Christmas. As I got myself ready to go to every events at the church, my subconsciousness cannot deny the desire to meet my ex. I denied by telling myself that I want to see what the church serves for (2013) Christmas. As I saw my ex, I bloomed. How irony. I had not contacted him for 3 months after the final breakup, yet I wished to see him ignoring what he had done to me and how he made my heart broken to little pieces. But this Christmas, I did not even want to know what his role for this year. I made peace with my past, I moved on, and I thank God for it. I am so grateful that finally I could put everything behind and remember no more of any little pieces about us. And during that candle light, I did not feeling gloomy anymore, but instead I made a wish to have a better future – isn’t it funny how we made a wish while it’s the day of Jesus’ birthday?.

New Year. I was spending my New Year’s Eve with 15 friends, simple BBQ and got drunk and laughed at each others’ funny drunk behavior. I recalled my last year’s New Year’s Eve, I was torturing myself by crying and get myself hurt because I was in a deep regret to break up with my ex. Still cannot move on from the fact that him and I should be separated by the bitter fact. I was so full with bitterness and anger. I told myself that I didn’t want to celebrate New Year because I did not deserve it. I was punishing myself though I spent the moment at Da’s. But this year, I can’t believe that I could enjoy myself welcoming the new beginning with lots of friends. By getting drunk! Da was so kind, He gave me three bottles of his collections, and we (3 people specifically – one of them was me) almost finished Chivas from full! What a great night to spend the night with. Last year I did not even have any resolution, while right now, I have three resolution for 2015, and they are:

1) get out and grow bigger – well I wrote about this few times in my previous posts, about how I would like to have a more dynamic career environment, something to make me getting more excited, a bigger challenge.

2) go for a race – I had trained myself 9 months at the gym, 3 months of running, and what is the point if I don’t jump into the real challenge, a real race like marathon?

3) run-bike-swim, a triathlon – yes, triathlon. I love challenges. I get bored easily. I trained a lot, and I need a goal. So I chose triathlon to be my final goal, my life goal. I don’t know how many months or years should I spend to prepare the real triathlon race. But at least I want to be a triathlete someday. I still need a real community, while in the city here is quite difficult to find that. They do have a community, but they gather in a far place every weekend, and it is really difficult to me to join the meetup. I am still looking for a solution regarding this, while the self-training is still on going.

And the day after Christmas, and the day after New Year, I slept the whole day to regain my energy. And then, I went on an outdoor run, an unstoppable 8K and 10K run, a milestone. How great it felt!

Some people may have thought to find a boyfriend in 2015. For me, well, I am not too worried over that. I met a guy, a great guy that I thought we could be a match for certain things. But I also do not want to worry too much about how we could make a progress. If God wants for us to be together, we will. If God says we are a match, we will make a great progress. I tried to heavily think the way of how me and my future husband could meet, but I ended up at a point where I was too desperate because I am alone in most of my days. A year ago, I am so eager to find a new boyfriend, while this year, I just want to have a great life, starting with a great lifestyle – eating clean and exercise regularly – and a great career for sure – which lead to great money xP

Great things start from ourselves.

I learned so many things on the hard way in 2014. When I looked back, I see a lot of changes. I do change. A lot. The current me is no longer the old me. Am I filled with regret? I was. But as for now, I am grateful. It is true when people say that it is hard to see the blessings among the troubles, but the blessings would be clearer once you are ahead of the troubles. And the process might need months or even years after the incident happens. But all the troubles we face are blessings in disguise.

There’s a lot of saying says “be grateful of all time”, and it is true, because by only that we could live.

I managed myself to survived from the broken hearts, not only the one caused by my ex, but also the other caused by other people. That doesn’t mean that the pain is completely gone. Sometimes I still feel a little bit of pain. A pain from the past. I believe although we had moved on from certain conditions, the pain may still be there. But that’s okay, because pain is what make you human. Alive. And strong.

And when we come back, we come back as an inspiration to others. We become a blessing to others.

Today, I don’t know yet how my current problems might be useful some time in the future. I don’t know whether they are blessings in disguise or lessons to learned. But as I grew, I see things differently. I open my mind wider. I believe in things deeper. I stand stronger. I dream bigger. That doesn’t mean that I will always be on a great shape. I learned that no matter how far or how hard we fall, we will always stand again on the higher level, because God wants us to make a living progress.


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