In my time of beings, I learned a great lesson of one of the hardest yet most important thing as a social individual. To listen.
I had this close friend at my office. One that I knew long before I joined with the company. We were close at first. And 1.5 years later, we were somehow become distant until the moment she resigned from the company a few weeks ago. She was younger than me, and I treated her like she was my own family. I cared for her and I helped her whenever she needed my help. I love to take care people anyway, so there were no burdens for me when I sacrificed things for her. I listened to her whenever she had problems. But I just realized that when you think that you are listening to others, you can’t expect other people to listen to you. Because they won’t. She won’t. As well as many people at my office are. So does my surrounding.
Also the leader of your church’s community cell. The one that you thought you could trust to listen on all of your problems, but turn to be the one who be judgmental and you just don’t want to attend the meetings anymore.
You know that feeling when you just desperately need someone to talk to, and you just wish to find someone who can listens to you, but nobody is being around. Or to be exact, nobody would listen.
I tried. Hard. To talk what I had been hiding inside when somebody started a conversation with me, ask me how I have been doing. But it turned out that they did not respond to what I had been trying to say. And I just deterred myself.
Sometimes we need to share our burdens at work and share it with someone who knows well the situation because they see, they know, and they hear about your environment. But I found them can’t even understand as they are too judgmental.
Especially when your supervisor becomes disappointed because you are gonna leave your current job and move out to find a better life, and he is not talking to you for the past month. It is too painful because you are so close with him.
Sometimes we also need to share our thoughts, considerations in our daily lives and share it with someone who knows you very well because they have been with you long enough and they have heard enough of you to understand who you really are. But I found them gone, and nowhere to be found. And when you are trying to contact them and tell them that you have so many things to share, they give one statement of reason: “I have been really busy lately and I do not know when I can meet you”. So I just stopped contacting them to prevent myself of hurting. I prevent myself to be disappointed, because if I keep going, I knew I would.
And also, there are lots of people around me that want to know how things going and want to get updated by the latest news of yours. And you don’t mind to share them with those people. But all you get are judgments and their controls over you. And you just give up your trust for them.
So I learned, too little people can understand one of the primary need of other people’s wishes, that is, to be listened. You know why the world is such a lonely place to live? It is because people are getting emotionally numb. They only care for themselves or to people they are close with, but not with the rest.
It made me think that I don’t want to be the same as them after I realize that the pain I feel could make me to be a “cold-blooded” individual if I don’t make a turn.
See, the thing about me is that I get too attached to someone when I am getting closer with the person. I don’t know whether that could be a strength or weakness for me, because in the end, I found that most people take advantage of that.
I made a decision to be different with the rest of the world. I don’t want to be the same, but instead, I just want to be a blessing to those who are in needs. I passed many times that many people just want to receive instead of giving. But I made a choice to give without expecting anything back. At first, it was so hard. I listened to those who needed to be listened. But when I needed them to be my ears, they were gone or did not make their times for me. I turned to be disappointed. I realized that when you are disappointed because someone does not have time when you had time for them, it means you are looking for a giveback. So I spent my days to train myself to be just a good listener without being judgmental or to be someone who can be relied on when someone is in need.
Though I knew, even a listener needs someone to listen.
I know that I am protecting my heart to get hurt by accepting that I was made by God to be someone who is very sensitive because I was aimed to understand others’ feelings. I reflect myself to be as other person. They need to be listened, and I am on their sides because they need me to listen.
Perhaps, even though you have given up your time to others, they won’t be there when you need them. Don’t expect. Each of us were made for different purposes. And if your purpose is to be a friend, be a good friend who listens, not only to having fun, but also to be the one who needs someone to cry with.
The world needs a real friend.