Quality waiting

There’s always a thing about waiting.

A few days ago, I found out that some of my friends were getting engaged with their boyfriends. There are some who just got in a relationship a few months ago, and suddenly they upgraded their status to be engaged. And some others are already in a relationship for quite some time, and then step in to the next ladder of the relationship, to be engaged.

I found myself standing in between of all my best friends, close friends, being single and not even have any one I knew that might be my future partner yet. Almost all of them are in pairs now.

So I spend most of my weekends at the gym, and resting early at night since nobody I could talk to during my idle time, shop for leisure or do my groceries by myself, traveling out of city of country by myself, and eating alone at the prestigious place by having my own quiet reading time.

I do long for having someone by my side, spend most of my idle moments with him, doing things I and he loves together, and learn about each other from time to time.

There’s many things in this world that we cannot control, and one of them is having a perfect life-partner. I might became like old days, when I was a bitch who complains my status to God. But as the days go on, I see myself in the midst of having a fear to have a partner. This doesn’t include for just a “boyfriend”. You see, the good thing of being a grown up is you don’t look for a guy to be just your boyfriend, but you see your future with him. And nowadays, it is really difficult to find the “perfect match”.

I had a bunch of list that indicate how my future husband should be. That came with so many pages. But the more I meet people, the list had slowly got lessen by itself. There is no perfect guy anywhere, just a “perfect match”. Someone who fits your flaws perfectly.

I learned that happiness doesn’t come by being with someone perfect, but by being with someone who loves you infinitely. It should be enough.

I saw many acquaintances who got married for years and decades, but their marriage is at the stake. And happiness in their marriage is just so far away from their reach. Even for Da and his new wife.

Marriage is suddenly become so scary.

That’s why it is important to wait.

I am an impatience individual, and I had trained myself to be patient with things. Well, I got lost for some of the things during the training. But I trained myself to be at least patient with the people who are around me. And when I see back, I see myself had changed.

The purpose of this “patience training” is not far from developing a character which be able to wait for God. There is a time for everything, and that time should be God’s time. I imagine God has His own wearable watch that tell Him when to do this, and when to do that, just like us who look at our watch when to wake up, get prepared, go to work, eat, going home, workout, and many else.

I have seen how God does His work on me in His time. Especially that came up lately, in my new job.

When I told my friends that I am going back to Jakarta (again) to pursue a career opportunity there, the funny thing that they told me: “maybe your soulmate is not here (Bandung), but there (Jakarta)”. Well, I consider that as their prayer for me.

And this time I should be really careful in choosing a new community, while I am waiting. The one that I don’t expect to find anyone there more than just friends. The one that I knew I could grow more and shaping my characters even more. The one that could really be my second family while I am away. And by the time all the process are finished, then it’s time for me to receive His blessing.


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