Office politics

For the first time in my life, I learned office politics in the hard way this month. I had never known before that playing an office politic would be this painful. But it made me realize that I don’t want to be like them. I don’t like playing politics for a better position or job.

I was very very very busy for the past few months. My project manager (she’s an expatriate) assigned me to support her in handling a system project, SAP. I started to get very occupied with all the meetings and specific tasks. But I love to do that. I love to be occupied with something I’ve never known before, so I could learn new things. I did not even have the time to update my blog, because I just did not have time.

One day my PM saw me privately and informed me that she will be moved to the CFO office, so she can concentrate on her work on this SAP project.  It means that she will be out from the current division and will be fully assigned to the new department, the one which will directly report to the CFO. She said that she wanted to bring me along together with her. Sounded so nice, wasn’t it? I was so excited because my exposure would be a lot wider. Position is the second thing, but to be exposed to that kind of environment, and working things out on a new project from the scratch, I believed I will be next step closer towards my goal, working abroad.

But if you ever think it was the happy ending for everyone, you are wrong. It was actually the beginning of how I change.

The first day I was moved to the new floor, to the BOD’s floor, my local (he’s an Indonesian) supervisor texted me. And from his words I can say that he was not happy because I moved. He did not know that I was moved, following my PM. He thought that I would be stationed on my current floor, but working to handle SAP project in BOD’s floor. Which is impossible. And there was the story began. My PM and local supervisor, both wanted me so bad. However, he did everything he could do to make me move back again. And my PM did everything she could do to keep me on BOD’s floor. They went back and forth to the Human Resource Department to fight for their own benefits. And for myself, I wanted to stay with my PM, because I love working with her.

Short story, he won. And I have no other choice to move back to my old desk.

 

I am (and still) disappointed with my supervisor because at first he said that he was going to support me. But what happened was the opposite.

I did cry for about three days though I did not show my emotions and feelings in front of anybody. But I cried during my evening run, when I walked back to my place, when I showered, because I was so upset and disappointed.

But I didn’t want to fall into the same hole anymore when I am down. I kept telling myself that if it was meant for me, I will get it eventually. If I was destined to handle such a huge project now, God will make a way anyway.

I thought by me not working with my PM anymore would keep my dream away because I would be get in touch with local people more than expatriates. But after I was calm, I can think clearer and think that if God wanted me to work abroad, He will provide the way anyway, no matter with whom I am working with at this point of time. And if He doesn’t want me to work abroad, He’ll do anything to prevent that for happening, and He will provide me and prepare me for something bigger in Indonesia. I just need to obey and follow His lead.

Beside, I still work closely with some expatriates in my division. And it turned out that those expatriates do take care and work closer with me because they acknowledge my potential. I am loved by them.

My PM was definitely pissed off because she lost. So I texted her and told her all my thoughts. That if I was supposed to be working with her and handle that project, it will come in no time eventually. She basically calmed down.

I learned from here that their fights included so many political tactics. And I don’t comfortable with it because so many lies were involved.

But at the same time I saw how these people acknowledge my potential and how they were actually want me to work with them. And I saw myself being acknowledged by most of senior level people because this issue had been raised until that level. And I can casually greet them anywhere I go in the building because they know me.

I somehow cannot believe for what I had experienced behind those painful experience. But most of the time, if God gave us troubles, He did not intend to give us hardship, but it might be a blessing in disguise. And I am a living witness of that.

I mentioned to my PM that perhaps, I am supposed to not leave my current division because I might be a potential leader for the group (as the group is currently doesn’t have a strong leader).

Who would know how the future would be if God intervenes, right?

Tentang dia yang ada di negeri seberang

Jika aku dikaruniai kekuatan untuk memutar balik waktu,

aku ingin memakainya untuk bertemu denganmu lagi,

aku ingin memakai semua waktu yang ada untuk menata masa demi masa, menumbuhkan perasaan berdebar itu lagi,

aku ingin memakai semua kesempatan yang ada untuk menyatakan sebesar apa aku sejujurnya menyukaimu,

dan memampukan diriku untuk mencintaimu,

aku ingin memakai segala kesempatanku ketika aku bersamamu untuk menatapmu sepuasnya,

dan mengucapkan yang tak terucapkan melaluinya..

Karena aku tahu kamulah satu-satunya pribadi yang dapat membuatku merasa kenyamanan ditengah badai masalah yang saat itu sedang kualami.

Dan disisimulah aku mampu merasa aman.

Memandang sosokmu dan senyummu yang manis kini membuatku merasakan rindu yang tak tertampung.

Dan seolah alam menarikku untuk berada pada masa lampau dimana kau dan aku berjalan berdampingan,

mengingatkanku akan hangatnya perlindungan tubuhmu,

dan kokohnya punggungmu mengambil alih kesulitan yang aku hadapi,

dan manisnya tatapanmu menunjukan kepedulianmu padaku,

dan kemudian aku merindukanmu.

Seandainya saat itu, satu tahun penuh aku berada di sisimu,

seandainya saja,

kupakai untuk memupuk kisah “aku dan kau” di negeri seberang.

Aku akan memakainya sebaik mungkin.

Untuk memulai segalanya dari awal,

dan menjadikanmu pilihanku untuk dicintai.