Does happiness really means that you live your dream?
I have been fighting with the severe feeling of loneliness lately. I got bored often about so many things. I feel bad of my own self lately. I feel like I have nothing to fight for. I need an escape, a change, but nothing seems to came up in the near time yet. I wait for surprises and the feeling of excitement when I get the surprise, but nothing seems to be appear anytime soon.
And most nights, I spend 30 – 45 minutes to staring at my phone to check on the social networking webs before I go to bed. Which is useless. Unproductive. And it also affects my emotional state where I start to think about how could they have a lot of friends to spend their time with, about how my friends are starting to get in a relationship or engaged and even getting married, about how they could travel to somewhere place. I knew that it’s unhealthy, that is why I am now trying to minimize the intensity of me being active in a social media (or even open the app itself).
But somehow when you get boring, you don’t want to do anything orher than checking your social lives. Even during working hours. When you are too tired and need a short break but you know you cannot go anywhere – not because you don’t want but because you can’t go anywhere for some reasons – you browse the web, checking on social webs. And that is what I did right before I write this post.
I was sitting in a small cafe, because I’m gonna have a corporate meeting coming up in about one more hour. I went early to the building across my office to have a meeting there. This building has a small cafe which serves great coffees. So I thought that I will just go there and do my work in the cafe before I go to the meeting. I just want to get out from my cubicle and spend some time of my own. I was being emotional and get annoyed easily in the office. Somehow, I just want everybody in the office to leave me alone and I suddenly feel I don’t want to interact with anybody. Everybody who knows me well would know that if I don’t want to be disturb they must leave me alone, or otherwise I would be overwhelmed. So the last thing I do is to have an “alone time” before I go meeting a bunch of people.
I opened some of the spreadsheets and planned to continue the work I had left earlier to get there. But I ended up checking my Facebook. At the very first list, I saw this friend of mine, she was one of my ex’s classmate in college in Singapore, posting her photo with her two children spending some time at the local beach (she is local, by the way). So I visited her profile and looked at her old photos. My thoughts did not go to how she lives her life, but to where she lives, which is Singapore.
It has always become my long – long, and far – far away dream of me living in Singapore. Working, and have a life there. It has been a long time since I was leaving Singapore, and yet I still have not recover from my lost. I do miss Singapore. And my dream is always to be able to move there and get settle there. But somehow the dream seems to be so far and unreachable. Somehow it seems impossible. And I do feel sad and disable. That why I write the opening state as: “does happiness really means that you live your dream?”.
From the moment I stand right now, I can think that I might be able to find my real happiness once I have achieved my ultimate goal, which is at this point of time is to live abroad. But as humans never get the satisfaction from ANYTHING (literally), one day I will arrive at the point where I will be looking another achievement to be pursued. And when I haven’t arrived at it, I will look at another insatiability and disappointment of myself.
There’s a guy who really needs to get on diet, so he goes for a regular run. As he progressing, he adds up the distance into his workouts. As he thinks that he has done enough with the regular workouts, he goes for a run race. A 5K, and then 10K, and then Half-Marathon, and then Marathon. Perhaps he gets bored with running, so he starts to think to advanced to a multiple stage sports called Triathlon, where swim, bike, and run done together in one sequel of race. He starts from the shortest distance, and then the second short distance, and then progressing to middle distance, and end up as an Ironman, the longest distance. When he has reached that title, he still thinks that he needs to do an Ultra-Triathlon which requires an individual to do those three sports continuously in days. That is how humans will never feel enough if they don’t force themselves to say “enough”.
Everyone has a dream. An ultimate goal of their lives. I do have too, which is right now is to find a job abroad and get settle there. To be an immigrant, I may say. And when the dream is fulfilled, I believe that I have another thing that I wish to accomplish in the future. And the circle will keep going on, adding another new list to be achieved. The most important thing is not to get so focused to your dream, but is to acknowledge what we have now in the process of achieving our dreams. And someday, without we realizing, the time has passed, things change, and dreams are fulfilled.
It takes a lot of patience to get through the process. It might be painful, but it is worthed. I believe in it.
And I believe that God won’t let us through dark moments if they don’t mean for anything in the future.
Be grateful of what we have now. Be creative of how to overcome the boredom. If you can’t go anywhere, try new things. Get out from your comfort zone and you will find what your mind never cross before.
And as time goes by, we won’t realize that we are finally arriving at our destination where “dreams (DO) come true”. And all of those process that form us to be a better person will be so much worth.
Believe me, the most amazing feeling in the world is the satisfaction of knowing that we are through those processes, good or bad, and that we change.
The most happiness people are those who know how to embrace today, and worry less about tomorrow.
It is true 🙂