As 2015 is coming to an end in a few hours, people start to work on some plans for the coming year. List of resolution are written down and are prepared to be done once we step into 2016.
This is what I would like to share for the blessings I received in 2015, reviewing back what I had received as a blessing from Him.
Through so many things happened in 2015, today I see myself standing as a much better person. I wrote many things about my feelings of loneliness because these days I have been living and do things by myself. But I see that as God’s way to teach me how to be more sensitive in things around me. Because when you don’t have someone by your side to talk with, you don’t have a choice rather than to talk with God. And that is when God comes and talk directly with you. I can hear clearly His voice when He talks with me, and it’s not my own voice. Somehow I just know that it’s Him who’s talking.
I’m still human too and need a human being to talk with. I did and still do feel lonely. But I learned that whenever I feel lonely, I talk with God. I tell Him that how pathetic I am that I don’t have anybody to talk with, or spend time with. He would not do anything about it, but by telling God so, somehow your consciousness realize that you are not alone, because you talk with a Living, and He is God. And I realized that I am not the same person as last year, treating my loneliness with self-pity. I’ve changed because though I did feel lonely, my mind was directly point to God.
I honestly skipped most of my morning or evening prayers during 2015, though I diligently going to Church. And I did not read Bible at all. I thought that God would leave me because I did not communicate with Him like how all Christians are supposed to. I thought that I am a naughty girl and God does not like that. But though I didn’t do Christians’ routines, I learned that it doesn’t determine who are you in God’s eyes. That I am still God’s beloved children, and He still directly speaks to me. He indeed is faithful isn’t He, so why shouldn’t we? The only thing that matters is my faith within Him. I don’t say that morning or evening prayers and reading bible is not important at all. But I learned that no matter how active you are as Christian, if you don’t have an active faith, you are still nothing other than someone who wears a mask. I learned this as well in my church, JPCC, that 2015 is a year of leveling up our faith in Him, believing Him that He takes controls to every aspects of our lives.
I do have trust issues, and the more I am being alone, the higher I have the trouble of trusting someone. Especially when someone close to you disappoint you, your feeling of trust breaks down even worse. Like what I had experienced for the whole year, so many withdrawals I made in order to protect my own heart of getting more hurt. But I realized that if I have difficulties to trust a human being, how could I trust an Individual whom I cannot see? I got the opportunity for being alone most of times, plus from my church as well, to learn to trust God even more and let God do His works. Most of the times it feels so silent and nothing seemed to be happening anytime soon, but His silence is a blessing in disguise. He formed me to be someone whose paradigm changed towards goodness and faith in Him. Sometimes all the logical thinking is not to be functioned in some situations and you just need to believe in Him.
While 2014 was all about getting stronger, 2015 is all about faith.
So, yeah .. 2016 is coming in a few more hours. And I hope that you all enjoy what your plans are, while I have to sleep in a few more minutes because this is what a runner does on New Year: early morning run xP (of course I would not wait until midnight to welcome the New Year)
Happy New Year to all of you. And may 2016 brings more blessing to all of us. May His promises are fulfilled in many wonderful ways we cannot imagine.