He has been in my mind lately. Again. No wonder why it happens.
As I woke up at dawn to prepare myself going for a run, I opened Facebook to check on some notifications. And the “memories from 4 years ago” just appeared in the first line. It was me, holding my Nikon camera, taking my own picture through rear-view mirror. I recalled when that moment happened.
I was in an escape, to Ujung Kulon, to recover from the broken heart I experienced because there was an issue on my relationship with my boyfriend (who is currently my ex). Da went to Ujung Kulon with his car community, and I decided to follow him in order to heal my heart. But it turned out that I was crying for the whole trip. And sleeping. I remember how it all happened. The trip did not do anything to me. I was still in a deep sorrow for the next months (even years).
So I went for a run. And think.
I was thinking of him. Reviewing for the past four years since it all happened. Well, basically we got together again for the next 1.5 years (after the photo was taken), though it eventually came to an end. It was a miserable relationship. But I am grateful, because through pain, I developed myself to be a better individual, mentally or physically. I won’t be an active runner, or a distance swimmer if my heart had never been that much hurt.
Couple of years ago, when I just arrived in the Capital City and started my career here, I signed up for a gym membership, thinking that it can be my escape plan whenever I am down or in a bad mood, especially after a few months break up.
It turned out that it’s not the workout routines which helping me moving on from the post-breakup pain. At that point of time, I had developed my addiction to reading detective stories, and that is how I healed.
Somehow, I got fatter. Maybe because of the moving on process, made my appetite for snacks increased. It stressed me out, because I successfully lost weight about dozen kilos. So I changed my workout routines, from lifting weights to cardiovascular. I started from a run. And from there, whenever I am in a bad mood, or having a bad day, or have some thoughts, I go for a run. It helps a lot.
I kept progressing from short distance to long distance. Been 14 months already since I first started running, I managed to challenge myself to a Triathlon series. And from there, I developed myself into a distance swimmer without having to lose breath in the middle of the pool.
I have never found myself to feel that satisfaction feeling when I finish my run. And all those bad moods are just gone. Problems are still there, but I have clearer mind to respond on the problems. Running has formed me to be someone who is more optimistic, thinks positively, and calmer.
I won’t be experiencing this if I have never severely broken heart.
It’s been four years, when I was known because of my emotions. Life goes on. When I look back and I can claim that everything that had happened, is worth the pain. The pain is my trophy. I am a winner. I am grateful, because everything happens for a reason. It’s not only just a good quote, but it’s the fact.
God cares for the process. The result is just a reward.
Today I am known because of my mentally and physical strength.
I am a runner. I am a distance swimmer. I am a sports-addict. No one can beat me.