That was the night when we are sitting in in the dark, side by side.
You and I have mutual interest that everyone in the world would know that these kind of people are meant to be. But most of the times mother nature breathed for another story. People with similar interests, traits, characters would end up as friends, and the different ones would end up as mates. I wonder which one will my story be?
Every time, every moment, I met someone like you, I end up to let someone like you go because my story is not yours, and your story is not mine. I once had a dream that I wished to come true, to understand the reflection I see in the mirror is the reflection of who you are when we are together. I thought I knew what I wanted, the kind of prince whom will be my king someday. But I take no control in life and life would want me to have different story. And that story is not what I had dreamed for this long.
Life is like a book. And I have no idea of how the Author would want the book to be.
Until I gave all my hope and close my eyes to anyone, so I would not get hurt anymore every time I thought of someone and how I wish him to be someone in my life.
When people ask me, I could not answer. Because nobody would understand this character of having enormous fear for being hurt. I could not bear to stand a single foot to face my fear.
When I was home, I was thinking to see you, and I stood long in front of the mirror so you would see me as someone that you never knew before. Someone you never knew that I could be. But I knew that you would not see me as anyone no matter how good I am standing right in front of you. I am just me, ordinary friend who would always be your good friend to share same interests.
And when you got someone beside you, that guilty feeling inside of me came to me like a beast attacks its prey. I tried to maintain that complicated feeling by keep telling you that I am your friend, your good one. And I tried to avoid what can be avoided when we are together. I tried to avoid this feeling of getting stronger towards you. Please don’t blame me if I am slowly pull myself away from our friendship.
You met her before I met you. And that’s not anybody’s fault.
I understand that to love is to be vulnerable. But maybe I am just not ready to be vulnerable, because I would see myself as a broken pieces of glasses, weak and helpless. You won’t see me as someone who is brave enough to face the city traffic, or step outside when it is too dark even to take a walk, or looks ignorant while talking with someone, or independently going somewhere by my own, because I am getting pretty fed-up with pain.
I regularly take a look on your profile in the cloud, realizing that maybe, maybe .. maybe I do miss you for that silence moments when I don’t see you, nor talk with you. And how I wonder how you have been doing during the daylights and rush hours. But that’s okay (I guess) because love is not a possession. I don’t have to have you in my hands, because seeing you peaceful and happy is all that matters.
When you laugh, I will laugh with you.
When you smile, I will smile with you.
When you cry, I will cry with you.
I will listen to you and I will stand with you..
I will be there, at your lightest and darkest moments, because I had learned a long time ago, that love is not only meant because we are couples. I am your friend. A good one 🙂