she under the rain

That was the night when she got really angry of nothing. She destroyed her beloved companion when she is traveling alone. Unintended. As she was driven by those hidden emotions, angers, disappointments she long kept for the sake of nobody. Friends and family told her that keeping feelings by herself would crash her from the inside, awaken the darkness inside of her. She knew. But she wouldn’t listen, because it’s not all that matters. What matter is that she needs someone. But she couldn’t find anybody around her.

She thought that when she let someone in, she will be left behind eventually. She chose not to.

She stayed awake for the whole night. In the dark. Silence. She lost her sleeping companion.

Clearly she listened to the water hitting the roof. It’s raining tonight. She was wet when she reached home, as the moment she stepped out of the building, the rain started.

It came down at the worst moment, when she was walking in pain and extremely exhausted. She just want to reach home as fast as possible, but why suddenly it seemed so far away? Took a long time to reach to the destination. She began to ask random questions. Why it is so painful?

The night is the critical hours when the whole day’s burdens are accumulated, and thoughts are turned to be choices we should make. She believes that dream could erase those regrets. When she wakes up, she always finds herself forgetting about what she dreamed about for the past night. I, myself think dreams are so beautiful yet it also release all those negative energies. It swallow tears, it healed the broken hearts. It only leave apparent sign in the mirror’s reflection. Once we step out, it’s gone, and we forget everything.

Nothing could change, time wouldn’t be turned back. She turned her palm, closed her eyes. But she still find herself sitting in the same place. She realized that magic never exist. She couldn’t go back to the past. No wonder there are a lot of sayings telling us to move forward, because no one has ever got the power to go back to the past. No wonder many people living in regrets. It is a choice that one’s must make how to live: keep going or stay still while keep asking “why” but will never got the chance to find enlightenment.

Most of the time she sees people walking forward while their subconsciousness hide their true emotions: “i wish it did not happen”. I see in her too. I feel in her too.

Rain really changes her mood. Or maybe rainfall is a sign that that night she’ll cry.

Well, but I guess sorrow is when she is at her best. Embrace it, girl.


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