Daily Life: Take A Moment To Give Thanks

Take a moment to give thanks: i learned my lesson

Saturday, 29 October 2016 @ 10.51 pm

Bertemu kawan-kawan lama dalam suatu acara reuni singkat sederhana. Aku pikir, lama tak bertemu akan menghasilkan suasana canggung dari satu detik pertama aku melangkah ke ruangan acara. Kuatir. Dan takut. “Mungkin lebih baik aku menghindar?”, tanyaku pada diri sendiri.

Namun ternyata apa yang kupikirkan tidak sesuai dengan kenyataan yang terjadi. Aku disambut dengan hangat, banyak yang berbincang ramah terhadapku walau aku tidak terlalu dekat dengan mereka. Aku pikir aku hanya akan bertahan 1 jam paling lama. Namun 2 jam waktu yang ada aku rasakan masih terasa kurang. Kekuatiranku berubah menjadi sebuah momen dimana aku akan selalu mengenang pertemuan kawan-kawan lama ini menjadi salah satu hari terbaikku.

Berkesan. Lebih tepatnya.

Aku belajar bahwa apa yang aku pikirkan belum tentu sesuai dengan apa yang akan terjadi. Aku bersyukur hari ini aku bertemu dengan mereka yang sangat membawa energi positif untuk aku yang sedang agak sakit (flu).

Thank you, God 🙂

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Daily Life: Take A Moment To Give Thanks

Take a moment to give thanks: i write

Friday, 28 October 2016 @ 11.51 pm

Before the day ends, i would like to take a moment to think about how God has made my day. Not the best one, but He is still good.

Everytime i share about how writing has changed my life, my perspectives, my point of views, God put blessing through that. I had always known that God gave me the talent of writing to be something. Not to inspired or bless other people, but also myself.

No wonder every time i am alone, i can hear God speaks to me one word: write.

Today i shared my a little bit of my writing experiences to couple of friends. While i shared with them, i recalled those post, the darkest ones and the ones which filled with lots of joy. And the thoughts gave me so much strength. I started to realize (again) that a writer needs to live her words to inspire the world through the unspeakable.

“Simple. But it gave significant influence”, said i.

I thank God i made the right decision to come to see you all and share my passion: writing, and how it blesses other people, while i receive blessing as well from their encouragements.

Not everyone has given the ability to write. I write, i might have a noble purpose in the future. Right? 🙂

Daily Life: Take A Moment To Give Thanks

Take a moment to give thanks: you are not alone

Tuesday, 25 October 2016 @ 9.08pm

Aku terus di ingatkan bahwa di atas langit ada langit, maka aku harus berendah hati.

Aku terus di ingatkan bahwa manusia diciptakan berbeda, dibentuk di bejana yang berbeda, mempunyai pengalaman masa lalu yang berbeda, maka aku harus mengerti jika orang bertindak sesuatu yang tidak sembarang orang bisa tolerir.

Aku terus di ingatkan bahwa ada seseorang (atau banyak orang) di luar sana yang mengalami apa yang aku alami, maka aku tahu bahwa aku bukan orang paling malang di dunia.

Mungkin Tuhan tidak secara langsung memberikan pertolongan. Tapi mengetahui bahwa ada orang lain yang mengalami pengalaman yang sama (atau bahkan lebih parah, semua orang punya porsi dan kekuatan yang berbeda2), membuatku sadar bahwa “keterlambatan” Tuhan menolong bukan karena Dia tidak mau menolong. Tapi ingin membentuk kita untuk menjadi lebih kuat lagi (in His mysterious ways). Melalui pertemuan dengan teman2 baru atau lama, mendengarkan cerita mereka, menyadariku bahwa aku bukan satu2nya di dunia mengalami hal yang sama.

Untuk kamu, sahabat jauhku, yang sedang mengalami kurang-lebih kondisi yang sama denganku: you are not alone 🙂

Bertahanlah..

Karena aku pun harus bertahan, entah sampai berapa lama lagi.

Mengetahui kamu bertahan, aku jadi kuat. Karena disitu aku tau bahwa aku tidak sendirian..

I thank God today for you have trusted me with your burdens. Knowing that it’s not easy for you, made me realized that nothing in this world would be easy.

But the only way out is through.

Daily Life: Take A Moment To Give Thanks

Take a moment to give thanks: there is hope

Monday, 24 October 2016 @ 9.34pm

Banyak hal yang bisa dikeluhkan hari ini.

Tapi banyak hal lain juga yang bisa di syukuri.

Seperti post di blog ku sebelumnya (nightmare), kutuk dan berkat bisa seperti suatu hal yang terjadi saat bersamaan. Atau mungkin juga kutuk itu adalah blessing in disguise.

Hari demi hari masalah yang menimpa kehidupan personalku terus kian berat. Tiga bulan sudah berlalu.. Ada masa dimana hidupku hampa, aku menghindari semua teman2ku, juga Tuhan. Menyendiri mengasihani diri sendiri, berpikir bahwa aku orang termalang di dunia ditimpa sedemikian masalah. Tapi Tuhan tidak pernah meninggalkanku, jadi aku mencari cara untuk terus mengingatNya dengan cara berefleksi mengenai kebaikan Tuhan di hari tersebut dan membagikannya pada kamu setiap hari, melalui post2 bertemakan “take a moment to give thanks: title”.

At least this will keep me sane.

Sepanjang hariku lalui dengan melarikan diri melalui pekerjaanku, dan berkumpul (kembali) dengan beberapa teman kantorku. Melupakan sejenak beban pikiranku dengan berusaha melakukan yang terbaik untuk orang lain: being friendly to others.

Jam demi jam berlalu, kemudian malam tiba. Dan tepat ketika aku memikirkan bagaimana hidupku ke depan nanti jika masalah yang sedang kutanggung ini berkelanjutan panjang. Bagaimana aku bisa menikmati hidupku jika beban yang kupikul akan selalu hadir dan entah sampai kapan akan terselesaikan. Dalam kesunyian dalamnya air, aku menahan nafas sekian menit untuk menjerit.

Dan Tuhan dengar isi hatiku. Kerinduanku, dan bebanku Dia coba lepaskan dengan cara memberikan aku harapan melalui seorang teman. Ketika hari yang dituju itu tiba, aku akan hadir menjadi seseorang yang sudah dipulihkan dari beban masa kini.

There is hope.

Aku bersyukur bahwa Tuhan mempertemukan aku dengan dia karena melalui dia lah Tuhan memberikan aku berkat2 yang orang lain inginkan.

What could i ever asked?

General

Nightmare.

One thing about losing someone: you never forget about them.

I was walking around the mall at KoKas after the third service at my church. Planned to buy few personal things, I went here and there to find the stores (though I ended up to went back home empty handed). I enjoyed it, actually. Before I realized that everybody was walking with someone or their friends. And somehow I got jealousy attack. I wondered how does it feel to be with someone. I kinda forgot about it :p

Well, maybe I was just feeling lonely.

Went back home to have a rest and early goodnight sleep. But I kept thinking of the thoughts I think during the day: the longings of sharing things and thoughts with someone.

I brought that thoughts to my sleep, went to bed at 7.30pm.

The worse thing of you to think about what bothers your mind before you are going to sleep is you’re gonna dream about it. And I happened to often experience it. Nightmares.

I dreamed about my past. It was when love were blossomed like spring season. We were madly in love for years. But it did not meant to last forever. We both met different persons in the mid-way. You stick with her, while I stick with myself after I lost him after two years. Until today. I still remember the moment when you were decided to went away, living another journey without me. I still remember our tears were falling down the cheeks as we say goodbye. We said goodbyes for thousands times, but we always find each other back. But that day, it was the last goodbye.

The dream was recalling the moments when you turn away your face of me, when your holding hand towards mine were apart, when your eyes looking forward leaving with the lost dreams to be with you, when I saw you for the very last time. “Tell me, love, tell me.. Am I not enough for you?”, as I crawling on the floors, begging you not to leave me.

As the alarm sounded, I found myself in tears. Just like I was in my dream.

Few hours later, as the City is surrounded by clouds, they also visit my heart. I found myself in a mellow-state of feeling. On Monday.

The most thing I scared of most is when people leave me. I understand that I am a highly-sensitive person, but that doesn’t always mean that I’ll get hurt easily. “The Sensitive” feeling inside of me would give me the ability to be able to understand and read all situations. And I would often withdraw from people because I am protecting myself from getting hurt or absorbing any kind of feelings from the surroundings. It might overwhelmed me.

When people make some space with me, I would know it, and it hurt me by thinking: “what do I do wrong?”. I realize that I have so many kind friends around me. But most of the time, I am too afraid of getting hurt, and would leave me to withdraw or avoiding them because I am protecting myself. Because I would feel so many emotions inside of me that I cannot bear, I cannot handle. That’s why, bonding with someone scares me to the hell.

As I have known variety kind of people, some would understand, and some others would judge because they don’t understand to be able to feel this way. That’s why most of the time I would prefer to be alone, but at the same time I would feel loneliness.

Like a curse and a blessing come together in one form.

I took a moment to wake up from the dream, and having a thought about it. Well, maybe dream is really a reflection of what we were thinking about before we go to sleep. And sometimes it also reveals our deepest, darkest feelings and secrets. Just about when I think about the things that make me afraid beside the dark, nor ghosts, nor spiritual things, nor people, just loneliness by being left by the people I treasured the most.

Daily Life: Take A Moment To Give Thanks

Take a moment to give thanks: walking distance

Sunday, 23 October 2016 @ 7.24pm

I’m very tired today. So this is gonna be really short.

Joined a Jakarta Marathon event this morning, took a 10k distance. People were rushing to the race village as many road will be closed, and didn’t want to take risk to queueing just to find a park and ended up late. The need to wake up very early: about 2am or 3am since their houses are far from the race village.

My home is just about 2.5k distance to the race course. I ran to the race village and saw some people were rushing from where they were park their vehicles to catch up on their flag-off time. Quite far.

I am so grateful, that i don’t need to be too rushing when i was heading towards the race village. My place is just around the city central area. Many big events took place around here.

Because it’s only 2.5k distance. Anybody can walk that far. Right? 😀

Something to be thankful of… 🙂

PS: btw, it was at Monas.

Daily Life: Take A Moment To Give Thanks

Take a moment to give thanks: rest day

Saturday, 22 October 2016 @ 7.42pm

As i committed to write a simple “give thanks” story every day, i am forced to think and reflect on God’s goodness.

But to be honest. I couldn’t think of anything today. But there must be at least something that God gave as a blessing.

I went no where for the whole day, except for the morning, attending a 5k fun run race at Pangudi Luhur. Did it good enough, since i managed to maintain a 5:44 pace in average after not going for any runs for the past couple months, as i was injured. I guess i need to be thankful of that, i am still strong enough to conquer the road to run. It doesn’t go anywhere, the strength.

I am injury-pain-free now!

Thank God for that, and now i can back to my “running business”.

It turned out that the participants for the event is mostly seniors: about 10 years older than me. I couldn’t find people who are about my age. Asked my friend, where do they go, those who are within my age group. He said: “we all (Pangudi Luhur Runners and Pangudi Luhur Triathletes) are mostly within the 40-50 age group. Many of us started about that late. So you should be grateful that you are still young, you can run fast, grow stronger, build endurance looonngg before we did”.

Yeah. I do feel grateful of that.

Among my sports community, i am within that “young enough” age group. I don’t really need to worry for my heart, my bones strength, or any part of my body to work on intense and heavy workouts.

Today i am grateful that God gave me such energy to do things that many people wish to do. And i am grateful that i am that strong with many body limitations.

I can see how my future will be in the older days: strong and fit.