It was early at night, compared to my previous nights when i went to sleep late. I crawled to bed with troubled feelings and crowded mind. A day before my first Aquathlon race, i was so confused having the thought of him for the rest of the day, and can’t even tell anyone about it (because it was stupid and childish). Beside it, i found myself to be so nervous of having an open water race in few more hours. I’m a swimmer, but i still have some concerns of being in the open water if i hadn’t swum it for a long time. I chose to play the list on Sean, wishing that it may help me to sleep soundly, so i may rest well.
The time had shown 3.30am, local time. I was somehow awakened by the sound of the wave, and found out that the sound was coming from a song i listened through my earphone. It was Banda Neira song, titled “Langit dan Laut”:
Dan dengarkan ombak yang datang menerjang kuatmu
Dan dengarkan arus yang datang nyatakan lemahmu
Langit dan laut dan hal-hal yang tak kita bicarakan
Biar jadi rahasia menyublim ke udara
Hirup dan sesalkan jiwa-jiwa
I listened to the whole song until i finally fell asleep again, and woke up as the alarm i set rang at 5.00am local time. The song was somehow comforting, and when i fell asleep, i dreamed about him, i dreamed about the race and how i conquered the ocean.
As i travelled to the race venue, i found the city was still covered in darkness. It was 6.00am in the morning, and yet, the sun had not risen up, so different from the country i live in. I sat in the bus and put the earphones on, listening to the song list of Banda Neira, and one of them was the next song came in titled “Re: Langit dan Laut”:
Biarkan saja alam yang membahasa
Takkan ubahnya yang ada
Dengarkan saja pasang gelombang yang bersahutan
Rasakan getar dari kedalamam samudra
Di ambang gelap dan terang
Di batas indah dan perih
Ada, ada.. sunyi..
I smiled because i realized that only God can reveal the mistery of life, i shall not be fear or worry. I kept telling myself while i prayed to God: only You understand what the ocean’s trying to say, therefore only You can understand the silence moments between the twos.
The melodies of those two songs had brought me into the world where i had never explored before. The one that is scary yet exciting at the same time.
I reached the race venue one hour later just right when the sun rose, at 7.00am, and the sky was suddenly filled with the bright blue color, showing its beauty when it blended with the white color of the hanging clouds. “It’s gonna be bright”, said i.
I walked towards the sands, where all were going to start, and found myself was filled with a huge feelings of tension. I ignored all the signs that written “Metasprint Aquathlon 2017, go here” and just walked towards the crowds. I just wanted it starts as soon as possible and finish quickly.
Collected the race pack, took-off my clothes left swimsuit only, setting up transition number 1540, dropped my bag, got both of my arms tattooed, and waited for my wave to start at 8.40am. Everything seemed well settled. While waiting, i saw some people did a short warm-up swim at the side of the ocean-pond. I followed them, to try the water. As i jumped into the water, i swam and swam, for 200m away, and i felt nothing other than excitement. Those tensions i felt earlier were gone. I blended with the water. It was dark i could not see anything below the water (but that’s okay), the temperature was just fine, the wave was so friendly, and it was not too salty compares to Bali ocean. I felt so calm after i tested the water. Took off from the water, i watched the four waves before my wave competed in the water.
Few moments later, i found myself queueing behind the start line, waiting for the alarm goes off. And when it did, i ran into the water, fighting with few participants to move forward. It was a battle ground. Everyone started to kick, or slap, and they did not care whom they hurt. What a competitive swim race i had. I kept changing my stroke from freestyle to breaststroke to freestyle once i saw an open space and then another breaststroke once it was too crowded, and freestyle, and breaststroke, and then finish the last lane with freestyle and ran to the transition area to change clothes into running apparel. A little bit of accident in the transition, when i was ready to run, my BIB number fell off. Now i know i need a BIB belt during multisport races.
And so i ran, and ran, and ran, passing one after one running ladies. Somehow o felt fast. Looked into my watch and on the pace column was written 5:xx. I wondered why i felt so great for the run. Maybe because i took two days rest from the fever attack since thursday evening, i’ve got so many energies inside of me. But i was so surprised when the next waves were following my wave (or the previous ones) ran – oh, it was male categories by the way. I can even hear their breathing since 10m away behind me. They were so so so fast (mostly were westerners, by the way).
Entered the finish line when the host called my name: “Irene Angelina from Indonesia just enter the finish line!”. Yay.. Finally i finished the course with no feeling other than excitement and relief, and i think i have the strength to run some more distance – nah, tomorrow will do just fine.
I collected my live result, and surprisingly with the cough i had, i managed to finish within the targetted time: swim – 20 mins and run – 30 mins.
750m swim in 19:36 mins and 5k run in 29:16 mins. I tried to fulfill myself with the result i had, because if you don’t, you will never feel enough. And perfection is when you feel enough. We all should be proud of ourselves, because many of us losing their ways because they set a standard as other people’s but not themselves. I fell once, but won’t come out as an individual who falls twice into the same mistake. Each of us has an unique way to achieve something great. Mine, was being an inspiration to the outsiders, who haven’t felt the kind of excitement of crossing the finish line. And that should be enough for me, that should be enough. I am enough for myself..
Thinking about me going for two 70.3 events, i was wondering whether i can do it or not. But i guess i just need to take the risk to prepare those events. Not that kind of “carelessly-risk”, but stay committed, keep practicing, and stay humble (for sure). And when i think about the kind of risk i should take as well in the journey of love, i think it will be worth to take. I always remember what my brother told me: “at the end of the day, it’s the story of between you and God, and, you and you”. Not the final result, but the process God wants to put between both of us. “Why God gave such thing if He doesn’t mean something along the way (or at the end of it)?”. Explore. I dare myself to explore.
And i guess space is good, and understandable. A time to think, a time to feel, a time to consider, a time to understand, a time to grow. For both of us. And if the cup feels empty, i teach myself to feel enough with something small as a simple “HI”. Start with being enough, and be fulfilled from it.
I unlocked my title as “A Marathoner” in 2016. And the new journey of 2017 has begun: An Aquathlete, A Duathlete (next week), and An (Half) Ironman (next few months). I wonder what other great things will come next..
Love-Birds, maybe? 😉
PS: overall, the event was so great, i was enjoying it. The fears i had earlier were just my worries. I wished to come again next year!