It’s 8.40pm and i just got back from the office. After series of workouts (run and gym) and short dinner meeting with Porkies, i got home soaked. It was raining for the whole afternoon until the evening.
Tuesday afternoon is a regular iRunners group run. I rarely join them, but this afternoon i had the need of going for an afternoon run. So i joined on the track late, just about the rain was going to start at 6pm. I ran so fast and didn’t even realized that i was going to lose my breath. I was so distracted.
I stopped at the 3rd K as it started raining.
One of my iRunners fellas called me and told me that they will be waiting for me at the gym’s office. But i just wanted to be alone. It was a tiring day. Thinking to skip meeting them, but they were waiting for me. They expected me to visit them. With the remaining emotional energy i had, i visited them. For few minutes only. Too many people inside the room. They absorb what i had left.
I left and was going to the gym next door while waiting for the rain to stop and bring Aaron back home, but the thought of gambling the opportunity came up. Been missing him for the day, but i promised myself, and him, to give him space he needs. Space is good, for the things need to grow, grow. Or for the things need to be thought of, being well thought. So it doesn’t be blinded.
I saw my colleague sitting alone at the lobby while waiting for the rain to stop. I sat beside her and talk. Talking about life while the other side of me kept thinking (and praying): if maybe i could meet him for a while, and walk him to the next door where he parks his car?
I knew God loves me.
Moments when my colleague went for home, i didn’t see him. I had no reason to stay. Took my helmet and was going to the gym. As i stood, i saw him among the crowds. Just the right moment when i thought that the last minute of the day won’t come as special as it was. Just like my prayer, i got the chance to walk him back home (well not literally).
Went to the gym to do few exercise before Porkies asked me to join them in a dinner. Chose to leave my series of weight trainings and rushing to meet them under the heavy rain. Few hugs, few tears, to release the emotions i held for the day. And few talks that being listened very well by my closest people.
The rain had not stopped when we asked for the bill. It did not even get lighter. I stucked in the options to bring back home Aaron under the rain or just go back home leaving Aaron alone in the basement. I chose to get Aaron. Cannot leave him alone in the basement full of dust because of the local mosque construction.
Water has always been my bestfriend. I love when it touches my skin and i can see the light reflection on top of my tanned skin.
It was a 2.8k distance ride back home, but i was soaked. The cold wind gave me a chance to think of myself, that i need to change (in a good way), as the people around me keep telling me: learn to trust someone. Trust. It’s all about the fear i had of being left behind. And that need to change. Because relationship takes trust to last.
Trusting him when he is not around.
Trusting him when he is gone silence.
Trusting him when he needs space.
And you know what, i guess you are the one that brings changes in my life. In a good way. That changes make me grow.
Healing process is painful. Like how the raindrops hit my face when i ride under the downpour with full speed, it hurt me.
But when i talk to God and ask myself: “are you willing to learn?”
Just like how i told him in the quality lunch yesterday during “the talk”: “i am a working in progress. And i am willing to learn”.
This is how i can tell him that i care about him..