The day was bright, and she dressed like a princess. It was noon, and the sun at his highest. After a short moment with my friends, I met her on her way back to her place (and mine). I was thinking to catch up a little bit of her after our last meeting last week, when she was at her lowest. Approached her classy walk, and greeted her.
“Hi. Something to talk about?”, without further ado I asked her because I knew her well that she hid her uttermost feelings when she walks alone.
And she knew she could be open to me. I knew she would talk about all the things in the world to me without any hesitations. I knew she trusted me.
She looked at me with a deep stare. Her looks had already said the word.
“I think I’m a little afraid”, as she walked side by side with me.
“Of?, I asked her back.
She stood tighter by my side, wrapped around her little arm into my arm. As she bowed down, she sighed, a long one, showing the burden she carries in her heart, the one that no one in this world could see, and understand. But somehow I could understand her deeply.
We might rarely see each other, but I think this is the gift God gave me of being “sensitive” : someone who could understand others that deep. Maybe that kind of depth I have: connection.
She answered unhesitatingly..
“I’ve given so much to men. The wrong ones. And like the good stuff – you know – the loyalty, the care, the nurturing, the love, and sacrifices – the things you are supposed to give in a relationship. And I guess I’m a little afraid that when the right man comes along I’m gonna be reluctant to give that stuffs again. And then, I’m gonna be wasting a good thing because of it”.
I smiled when I looked at her bowing head, looking at the pavement to keep her pace.
To love is to be vulnerable. She is in the state whereas she’s being overly sensitive because she softens her heart to give another chance to her love. There were times when she gave up on love and she was so firm that she wouldn’t find love anymore. But God is too kind to her, and God gave her the opportunity to fall in love once again. God was trying to tell her that love is not giving up on her, why should she? But I don’t understand what was in God’s mind when He gave her the hard love to fill in her heart.
As once she chose to love, she will walk on it and committed to it. Most of the times it was the love that let her down. And crushed her into pieces. Just like how I see her now. I couldn’t stand seeing her to be that broken. What can I do to make her feel better?
I thought for a second and I turned to her.
“But you know what? The right guy is going to understand where you were coming from. And he’s gonna cherish you. He’s going to have all the patience in the world for you. He will take his time and go at your pace. He’ll work with you instead of going against you. He’ll come into your life and make things easier for you instead of harder. Because that’s what the right guys do. So don’t worry..”, I turn my arm around her shoulder, “..you’re gonna be just fine”.
The tears that clogged in the corner of her eyes were slowly fading away.
Under the blazing sun, her face was glowing as her skin glows.
I think the statements I tried to deliver to her were also the ones that made me believe that the right guy does not mean to be perfect, but he will make your world perfect even with his flaws and weaknesses.
And this is what I will love: his weakness, his flaws, his mistakes, his fears, and his wounds. Because loving someone at his good is easy. But loving someone at his worst is remarkable.
We were separated as I entered my office’s gate. She was gone when I reflected on my own words.
Well.. See you when I see you…