sometimes it feels like he’s being too far. beyond my reach. i doubt myself, questioning life, and starting to wonder whether miracle does exist. but i chose to believe. Faith is a decision, you know.
i never stop praying about him, every night. and even if i’m thinking about him, i would never miss a chance not to bring his name upon a prayer. “let Yours be done, God”, whisper i.
and when i’m not thinking about him, God always remind me of him by keep showing me a glance of his looks. especially when i am free and got a chance to open my social media account. and the first post i saw, is him. always him.
like what happened today, three times.
so i was wondering, and still wondering why God made this happen. “are You trying to tell me something?”. but no answers given.
but i realized that i have changed. i try to control my emotions, and chose to set my focus on God. learn to believe: if God wants something to happen, it will happen eventually. if God starts something, He will bring me to the finish line.
but i did not deny myself when i have this huge eager to get close to him. to know him better than i already knew.
“wait. and be patient”, somehow my heart tells me to endure the uncertainty.
i believe it’s God.
God does not giving me a clear understanding this time. but i never stop asking God why suddenly all of these happen, the feelings, the thoughts. i never stop praying about him.
he is so far away. and too impossible. and i am afraid if things do not go as expected. i don’t fear failure anymore, i fear myself, of what i’m capable of when i am at my lowest point.
even if i sing a prayer for him every night, deep down my heart, i almost give up.
but every morning i stand in front of the mirror, i don’t see perfection, i see survivor. i am a survivor.
if God tells me to endure the uncertainty, perhaps the only thing i need is one: to survive.
and wait .. patiently .. with Him. for the time to come, and reveal the truth.