Falling in love

Aku terduduk dibawah angin dingin yang sempat menyatukan nafasku dengan nafasmu pada suatu siang ketika matahari sedang sama-sama tersenyum bersama dengan kita. Aku dan dirimu pernah berbagi kebahagiaan yang sama. Dan jika salah satu dari kita menangis, alam pun berkonspirasi dan ikut berduka.

Seorang sahabat yang sudah lama tidak aku temui menghampiriku dan bertanya kepadaku jika aku telah melupakanmu. Tapi aku tahu bahwa aku tidak akan pernah melupakanmu. Aku bahkan mempertanyakan kepada diriku sendiri, mengapa aku harus mencintaimu? Bahkan sesingkat ini…

Tapi aku pernah mencintaimu sekali saja, dan terakhir.

Jika dunia berkata untuk mencari seseorang pengganti hanya untuk melupakanmu, aku memilih untuk bersikap adil terhadap hatiku. Jika hati ini masih menaruh kasih terhadap dirimu, pantaskah aku menggoresnya dengan memaksakannya melupakanmu? Karena cinta itu bukan mengenai seberapa jauh aku harus melupakanmu, bukan seberapa jauh aku harus melupakan rasa yang pernah ada untuk dirimu. Cinta itu mengenai seberapa jauh aku menerima jika kau memang bukan untukku, aku merelakan kebahagiaanmu untuk yang lain.

Semalam aku menyempatkan diriku untuk merenung seorang diri, mencari cinta di tengah kegelapan malam, berkelana ke suatu tempat yang belum pernah aku kunjungi. Aku bertanya kepada Tuhan jika cinta memang selayak itu untuk ditemukan, dan jika sudah ditemukan pantaskah untuk kuperjuangkan dengan segenap hidupku?

Aku menyadari bahwa aku mudah untuk mencintai. Karena aku selalu jatuh cinta dengan hal-hal kecil dan sederhana yang kau ciptakan untuk duniaku. Karena bukan hanya aku akan mencintaimu dengan kesederhanaanmu, melainkan mencintaimu dengan kerumitanmu. Seharusnya kau tidak perlu takut akan ruangku yang begitu luas untuk mencintaimu.

Aku menemukan sudut manis yang mulai meredup. Dengan segera aku tahu bahwa itu cinta yang harus segera kuselamatkan. Memberanikan diriku untuk memasuki ruang mungilnya, namun memberi aroma tersendiri yang sangat kuat. Pintu yang menyambutku membunyikan sebuah bel mungil yang tergaung indah di sudut pendengaranku. Aku disapanya ramah: “Hello, welcome!”.

Aku tersenyum kepada dua sosok penjaga gagah dengan topi koboinya yang mempesona. “Hai :)”, sapaku.

Aku tidak hanya jatuh cinta kembali kepada aroma yang selalu mengingatkanku terhadap cinta yang pernah mempertemukan kita untuk pertama kalinya kisahku denganmu dimulai, tapi aku jatuh cinta kembali kepada malam itu, malam dimana pertama kali hanya ada aku dan hatiku, memutuskan untuk mencintaimu.

Walaupun keberadaanku hari ini hanya untuk memeluk puing yang tersisa, tapi aku kini sadar, bahwa tidak ada cinta yang akan berakhir sia-sia.

 

 

granted (hidden) wish

I met you again this afternoon.

Ada banyak hari ketika aku bertanya kepada Tuhan: “Mengapa aku sering dipertemukan dengannya tanpa sengaja ketika kami saling memiliki, namun kini tidak lagi aku dipertemukan dengannya walaupun aku bertaruh dengan waktu untuk menanti satu pertemuan denganmu di suatu tempat?”.

Aku tahu saat itu adalah ketika aku sedang merindukanmu. Aku begitu merindukanmu sehingga setiap hari aku berseru kepada Tuhan: “Aku ingin bertemu dengannya”.

Tetapi aku tidak tahu bagaimana aku harus menyikapi diriku ketika aku bertemu denganmu.

Dua hari yang lalu aku memandangmu dari kejauhan. Lima meter dari tempat kamu terduduk membelakangiku, aku menghentikan langkahku dan mengambil nafas panjang. Aku tidak dapat mengingkari jantungku yang hendak melompat dari sangkarnya karena kita bertemu, walaupun kita tidak benar-benar saling bertatapan. Aku melewati hadapanmu tanpa menoleh menyapa atau memberi salam kepadamu.

Karena aku tidak tahu bagaimana aku harus menyikapi diriku ketika aku bertemu denganmu, maka aku memilih untuk tidak bertatapan denganmu.

Walau sebenarnya aku sangat merindukanmu. Terutama pembicaraan kecil kita yang terkesan tidak berarti, namun memberikan kesan tersendiri bagiku.

Dan aku penasaran mengapa aku merindukanmu sedemikan rupa. Padahal aku telah melepasmu pergi.

Kemarin aku berpapasan denganmu, ketika aku benar-benar ingin seorang diri karena aku tidak dapat menguasai kerinduanku padamu, dan aku tidak tahu apa yang harus aku lakukan. Aku tidak dapat meraihmu lagi. Dirimu bersanding dengan diriku. Bertegur sapa melalui satu kata “hai”, tanpa mengucapkan kata-kata yang lain lagi.

Karena kita sudah menjadi dua orang asing kembali.

Aku hanya bisa menangis ketika berhadapan denganmu. Masih terasa menyakitkan, terutama ketika menyadari bahwa kita bukan lagi dua orang yang sama.

Mungkin pedihku ini karena sebenarnya aku (pernah) mencintaimu (atau masih).

Dan hari ini aku bertemu denganmu. Sekian kali kita bertukar pandang, tapi tidak satu pun senyum kita saling lemparkan terhadap masing-masing.

Dan ketika kamu tidak melihatku, diam-diam aku mencuri pandang terhadap sosokmu yang terduduk dengan dua sahabatmu di sisi kiri meja tempat aku tergabung dengan teman-temanku.

Tetapi kenapa tidak lagi sesakit kemarin? Kenapa tidak lagi aku menangis?

Mungkin aku sudah cukup menangis.

Bahkan ketika aku memandangmu dari kejauhan, tidak lagi aku merasakan kepedihan yang sama.

Aku hanya bisa tersenyum kecil dari kejauhan ketika aku menunduk setelah menatapmu: “Aku tahu dia baik-baik saja, dan itu cukup bagiku”.

Maybe this is what everybody calls “love”.

Mungkin Tuhan sebenarnya terlalu sayang denganku sehingga tidak rela Dia melihatku bersedih karena terlalu merindukan sosokmu. Maka diberikanNya kesempatan untuk aku berpapasan denganmu.

“This is what you wanted. This is what I can give”, said God, “Even though I hurt seeing you hurt”.

I knew He loves me too much :’)

 

side by side

I took some time to ask myself about why do I dwell in our memories lately. I had moved on. I knew I had. I had accepted the fact that we have to go separate ways from the plans we once had put on the top of that table.

You see, the thing about moving on is not about me forgetting you, but it is about me who took the courage to erase your presence from anything that could bring out the turmoil back to the surface.

I preferred to be occupied with the pile of paperwork at work, while I can’t keep my thoughts off of you when I was sitting in front of my laptop.

I wonder why. That’s why I took some time to ask myself.

And then there was that moment, an unexpected one .. where I got inside a lift for an early lunch appointment and it stopped in front of you that was standing firm with your best friend. You. Going for a lunch at an early hour. Always.

I was surprised, so were you. I was surprised, because I did not expect that I could bump into you this close. I thought that mother nature conspires to detach our awareness from each other.

But this was what so hurt so much: that even though we were standing side by side to each other, not a single word was spoken. We were strangers to the world.

As I stepped out the lift, I could not hold myself to run to the restroom before I meet my lunch appointment. To cry.

“Why was it so hurt, to see you eye to eye once more?”.

I knew I had missed you. I miss your presence during the nights, the midnight conversations, your smile during the daylight to enlighten my day, and all those small little talks. I miss you so much..

“Because you loved him so much, and perhaps you still are”, she said as she was the only one whom I told that I bumped into you.

I did not realize before, that I did, and perhaps I still do..

.. love you.

Because love does not need a reason to stay. It just happened.

to feel you

Sometimes when my day is so tough, I need you to be here. I need you to be this close so I can text you anytime and telling you: “I just had a rough moment(s)”. I need you to tell me that everything is going to be alright. I need you to tell me that these too shall pass. I need you to throw a smile at me even tough you draw it on a simple text.

I need to feel you, your presence.

But I knew that when someone become a past, we will present ourselves to the world as strangers. And that hurt like hell.

And if one night I cry like a little kid who lost her parent among the crowd, it is not because I had loved you that much. It is because we are no longer know each other.

We pretend that “us” had never even exist.

How come you become this ignorant? How come I become this cynical? How come we become strangers when there was a time that we filled our days with joy because we were happy once?

I was happy once.

“I tried”, he said as he bowed his head down as a sign he was sorry.

“I grow”

Sudah beberapa minggu terakhir aku dibebani pikiran akan sebuah pertanyaan yang mengusik hatiku, dan tentu saja kondisi emosionalku diguncangnya. Menyadari bahwa seringkali suasana hati dipengaruhi oleh apa yang otak kita pikirkan, aku tahu bahwa aku seharusnya mempunyai kontrol yang lebih kuat terhadap pikiran kita: tidak perlu memikirkan yang tidak perlu kita pikirkan. But how to eliminate those unnecessary thoughts?

Setelah bukuku selesai, walau belum benar-benar final karena masih banyak yang harus aku benahi – tapi setidaknya sudah selesai – seolah memori dan perasaan kasih yang pernah aku rasakan tersebut pun ikut menguap bersamaan dengan jam-jam yang aku habiskan untuk duduk di depan laptop dan menulis perasaanku ke dalam 90 halaman “version 1” of my own book. Aku tahu aku harus kembali mengunjungi draft tersebut, tetapi rasanya berat sekali karena it was painful. Aku takut mengunjungi draft bukuku dan kembali mengingat (atau teringat lebih tepatnya) bahwa aku pernah menaruh harapan pada cinta yang semu. Cinta yang belum benar-benar berevolusi menjadi cinta, namun sudah pada jalan yang tepat untuk mencintai. Aku takut dengan membaca kembali (or we, writers, called it “proofreading”) aku diingatkan akan diriku yang lemah dan rapuh.

Aku takut, dan aku butuh seseorang. Tapi apakah akan ada seseorang yang mengerti bahwa seluruh perasaanku terletak pada apa yang aku tulis? Akankah dunia mengerti bahwa jika aku menulis, aku men-“transfer” kegundahanku pada wadah putih polos ini melalui goresan-goresan hitam? Ataukah malah mereka semua akan berpikir: Irene adalah pribadi yang baper-an?

To be honest, aku tidak suka jika aku sedang menelaah emosiku, mencoba mengertinya, then someone would appear and tell me: “Ih, Irene orangnya baper-an”. Hello, world. It’s not about being baper. It’s about feeling.

Kemudian aku melirik ke sekelilingku, mencari orang yang tepat untuk aku mengutarakan hal paling dalam yang ada di hatiku hanya untuk mendapati bahwa ternyata sahabat-sahabatku yang dulu aku kira mengerti, tidak semengerti itu lagi.

Bahkan tidak ada lagi dukungan yang dulu pernah aku dapatkan regarding “another part of me”.

Lalu aku melemparkan sebuah pertanyaan dalam benakku: “Why the change?”.

Aku kira salah satu di antara kami, atau kedua belah pihak di antara kami, melupakan. Aku kira ada kesalahan yang tidak dapat di tolerir sehingga ada hubungan yang harus diretakkan oleh sebuah konflik, atau perasaan yang tersakiti sehingga masing-masing dari kami harus saling membangun jembatan.

Dan aku kembali merasakan kesepian lagi.

Masalah mengenai kesepian ini memang sudah sering (dan lama) aku rasakan. Again, bukan mengenai berapa teman atau sahabat yang aku kenal atau aku miliki (because I have A LOT, literally, A LOT), melainkan seberapa banyak orang yang mengerti why I feel what I feel. Not many. Or just one perhaps?

Tapi aku melihat duduk permasalahannya bukan mengenai siapa aku dan siapa mereka. But the big picture lies within myself. That I grow. Ada beberapa orang dalam hidup, yang dulunya kita dekat dan dapat membahas topik yang serupa mengenai hidup, berbulan-bulan atau bertahun-tahun kemudian pembicaraan yang serupa tidak lagi relevan dalam pembangunan hidupku secara pribadi. Aku mempertanyakan hal tersebut: Is it me? Or is it them?

Maka dari itu ada pepatah yang berkata: “People come and go”, karena bagian mereka dalam pembangunan hidup kita detik ini sudah selesai. Dan pada suatu titik kita sudah bertumbuh, kehadiran mereka sudah tidak relevan lagi. Memang, ada beberapa yang akan selalu menjadi sahabat kita selamanya dalam banyak wadah, tidak peduli kita ada dalam musim apa pun detik itu. Tapi aku berpikir bahwa orang-orang semacam inilah yang seharusnya kita rangkul dan tidak lepaskan.

A bestfriend came to me when I asked for his opinion mengenai “friendship”. He opened my eyes that I had so many talents to be developed which requires me to jump from one pond to another pond. “Komunitas dan pertemanan dalam komunitas itu bagaikan kolam. Yang dimana jika kita masuk ke dalam satu kolam, di situlah kita dibentuk. Since you have many talents that you are passionate about, you need more than one. If you’ve ever felt that your social live is not relevant anymore to your growth, it is okay to move to the new pond, because you grow. But don’t leave your former or current pond, maintain it”, dia dan kata-kata bijaknya. No wonder aku tiba di satu titik dimana kesepian kembali menyerangku, seolah tidak ada orang yang mengerti aku no matter how hard I try to explain them.

Ah, that is another thing I learned. Jika kamu sudah menemukan dirimu dimana kamu harus menjelaskan sesuatu kepada seseorang hanya untuk memohon pengertiannya, that is the sign that you are growing and you need a new pond to be fulfilled. Stop explaining something that does not need to be explained about.

Dan jika aku mengalami sedih yang tidak jelas, is it okay to take some time to recover, and be surrounded by silence so you will be able to see and listen clearly on what God wants to lead your life to.

“I am pieces of quotes from my favorite books, stitched together by song lyrics, and glued together by midnight conversations, and the sweet taste of coffee, and I have this tendency to fall apart suddenly, and I need you to be okay with this because I am created by the souls who are brave enough to gather my tattered pieces and put me together” – semalam aku menulis ini pada postingan account Instagramku. Aku dibentuk oleh mereka-mereka yang berani berhadapan dengan “keunikan” ku (complexity in a weird way – aku tidak menyebutnya “aneh”, walaupun mungkin “aneh” merupakan kata-kata yang tepat).

Tidak heran pada malam di beberapa minggu lalu Tuhan berbicara kepadaku ketika aku bertanya mengapa Tuhan mengambil orang-orang yang aku pilih untuk aku cintai, Dia menjawab: I want you to be the best of you. Semua perjalanan yang pernah aku lewati hanya akan membawaku kepada orang-orang yang tepat. Jika mereka harus pergi, itu karena Tuhan terlalu sayang kepadaku untuk membiarkan aku terlibat dengan orang-orang yang kurang (bukan tidak) tepat untuk menjadi sebagaimana Tuhan telah rencanakan aku di akhir perjalanan nanti akan menjadi seperti apa.

Pertanyaannya sekarang: “Tuhan mau aku jadi apa?”. But I guess we should not be worried about that now, right? Hanya bisa diketahui jika kita telah tiba di titik itu.

Karena pada akhirnya akan selalu indah daripada permulaannya – Pengkhotbah 7:8

Aku (seharusnya) bersyukur, rasa kehilangan ini karena aku bertumbuh, bukan karena ada kesalahan.

When I bumped into her

One fine afternoon at the office..

I finished my first book project last night. Had printed it out, so I can read it from the hardcopy form. Easier for me.

In the afternoon, I went down to the lounge area to find a cozy sofa to read what I had been writing so far, those 90 pages I started about two months ago as a way of my healing process from the illogical brokenhearted.

Drowsiness attacked me when I had read it halfway. So I decided to continue later, and go back to my desk, back to my work.

There where I bumped into her in front of the lift, one of his bestfriend that he never got the chance to introduce us because she was at maternity leave since the beginning of the year, before the story between me and him started, and before it ended.

I knew her to be someone who seems arrogant and hard to get close with. But somehow I can see she opened herself to me, when we bumped into each other, she never forgets to greet me with her smile.

I never thought that she is that friendly. I guess my judgement about her was wrong. I can see her as a friend now.

That was one of many other significant change I experience since I lost him.

She smiled at me, seemed so sociable to me. So I smiled back at her. To avoid any awkwardness, I congratulated her for her newborn baby. While we waited for the lift to arrive, we talked about her baby experience.

We talked, we talked, we talked, until we got separated by the floor she works on.

As I went up to my own floor, I realized that actually I never knew her before I was with him, especially her baby delivery news. Will she be thinking the same thing as me? Like, “eh, how does she know that I just gave birth recently?”.

Of course I knew it from him.

Well.. I guess some relationship begin in a weird way when another has ended.

And I can see there is some positive side to that.

Right? 🙂

Virgin 70.3 at Sungailiat, Bangka

PROLOG

I remembered what my mentor in Triathlon community I joined told me during our run-date few months back when I asked him whether I will be able to endure long distance Triathlon in Sungailiat, Bangka this April. He said: “it’s not a matter of whether you are able or you will suffer. It’s a matter of whether you can commit to your training schedules”.

I thought I can.

Just before my heart was broken and I got lost in almost everything, including following my proper training schedules.

You see, the thing about brokenhearted is not about laziness, but it’s about losing our self. Suddenly I lost all the things I had planned for the coming months. And I had to rearrange all the things I had in mind before all these. It was too late because the incident happened one and half to two months before the race day.

But I survived.

I had settled my heart and calm my mind two weeks before the race day. But I knew that I lacked of quality training for about three to four weeks. So, again, I isolated myself to gain my inner peace to face the race. I preferred to spend some time for myself, including last few training, not because I did not want to see anybody, but because I had to make peace for myself in facing the greatest obstacle: the mind. Some of my friends were nervous when it was only days approaching to the race day. I was the only one among them who took long distance. But I told them that I am so calm, so peaceful. “I hope this is a good sign”, as I told some of them.

I just wanted to finish the race. No expectation, just be strong enough to finish the course because I knew I lost few weeks of proper and quality training.

THE PREP DAY

One day before the race day, me and the group reached Bangka, setting up few things for tomorrow, the race day. We tried the water, swam few hundred meters to feel the ambiance. Right on that moment, I blended with the ocean. I knew that I would never be afraid of one thing: water. It calms my soul.

But I guessed my day was too tiring. Somehow I can feel my body was drop to almost zero. I just wanted to sleep, I just wanted to rest. The preparation day was too packed. I kept silent for the rest of the evening, telling myself that everything will be alright. “Just remember to aim for the finish line”, I kept remind myself.

THE RACE DAY

Woke up from five hours of sleep, I suffered a medium migraine pain. Took a painkiller, and thank God it worked.

Went to the race venue and made some preparation in the transition area. I could feel the participants were overwhelmed with so much burden of facing the race. And when I was in the long distance transition area, I saw there were lots of pro triathlete will be competing the same course as me. I kept telling myself: you are who you are with your own pace. I did not want to fill myself with the burden from some people who would tease me if I perform under them (who are much older than me).

The Swim – It was fun. I enjoyed the ocean, though many people swam in front of me (and of course faster than me). Swimming was my strength, I thought of finishing the 1.9k distance within 40-45 minutes, but it turned out I finished within 59 minutes. I realized after that the distance was 2.5k – 2.7k (my GPS was error so I could not get the accurate distance, the correct distance based on what I saw from other people’s GPS). Consider I finished 2.5k within 59 minutes, I was satisfied with the result.

So here where all the problems were started..

The Bike – I think I swam too fast (or too excited because I was so enjoying the water – the temp and the feel and the view).

At km 15 > my thighs started to stiff.

At km 20 > my thighs were cramps.

I kept going.. At km 30 > it got worse, I was thinking to stop and DNF at some point soon. But no. I kept going, when I was thinking of my second family in Jakarta, my DATE members, who had prayed for me the night before I flew to Bangka, prayed for my health, prayed for the event to run smoothly, and wishing me a very good luck. I kept going because they were the people who gave me hope when I was at my lowest during the six weeks healing process.

At km 40 > The back pain because of the broken bones dozen years ago, came.

At km 50 > I can’t feel half of my body. I felt the pins and needles on the left side of my body, I did not know why. I never felt this before, even during my longest ride. I was thinking maybe it was because of dehydration attack, it was around 9.30 in the morning and the sun was shining so bright. Like the sun was laughing at me. But while I was thinking when to stop, the distance marker showed I was at km 60. I had finished more than half of the bike distance.

I kept going, and I reached km 70.

I kept going, and I reached km 80.

Just another 10, and I will finish the bike part. But the course was getting harder. Hills after hills, and I could see some long distance participants pushed their bikes and walk. But I chose to keep pedaling even though I would go slow, I did not care. As long as I did not step on the ground.

I reached km 90 and entered the transition area to continue with the run.

I cried few times on the bike, because the cramps were too painful. Every time I passed the water station in every 12k, I poured one water aqua bottle to my body, it was very very very hot I could not stand the dehydration, and the migraine came back. I did not stop, I finished the bike within 3 hours 49 minutes. Not fast. The average speed dropped from 28kpj/h to 23.7kpj/h. But I finished.

The Run – 4 loops of 5k. I was so sure to stop after I finished the first loop. Because I can feel the cramps on both thighs. The course was clearly exposed to the sunlight. At 12.30pm I started run, when the sun at his highest.

At the second loop, I cannot feel both my palms. And they were in pain. Then I realized that they were swollen. I knew, I was dehydrated. No matter how many water I flushed to my body, no matter how many bottles I drank during the run, I was still dehydrated because that was the doctors told me about my body: fluid imbalance. So if my body demands for 2 liters of water per day, I need to add at least one more liter to my daily consumption.

I stopped running on the third loop, until I finally reached the finished line. I kept walking. I can also feel the pain on my lower stomach. I also knew the kidneys were screaming. That was why I did not want to force myself to run. I finished my run within 3 hours 19 minutes, and that was the longest half marathon run I ever had in my life. I finished the whole course under cut of time: 8 hours 23 minutes (of total cut of time 8 hours 30 minutes).

What kept me going, especially when I was so certain to DNF during the run? The people around me.

  1. At the start line, I met a guy (cute one though :p) handed me over his Salonpas spray (for cramps) as he had finished the race (short distance). “Bring this with you, you may need it. And don’t give up!”. I brought the can until it finished at third loops.
  2. Some of my friends passed me by when I was still running, and they shout at me: “Irene, don’t give up! Keep going, you’re almost there” (even though at that time it was still a long way to go).
  3. My roommates and travelmates approached me on my second loop to cheer me up: “Irene, run! So we can get a good shoot at you” (read: photograph). One of them tapped my shoulder while saying: “you can!”.
  4. Two of my friends looked for me with their bikes at my last loop. I cried when I saw them because I was touched. “We looked for you”, they said. And then I told them that it was almost cut of time, I think I will just give up. “At least finish the race as a tribute to two of our friends that did not even started the bike because the marshal closed the first transition area”, one of them informed me. Then I started running, with a very slow pace, chasing the time so I can finish under the cut of time, for two of my girl friends who devastated because they were unintentionally DNF.

Overall, the course was depressing, because mostly you are racing on your own (less people joined the long distance course, compare to the shorter ones).

EPILOG

When you read this, maybe you will conclude that it was a miserable race. Perhaps it was. But perhaps it was not. And if you ask me whether I want to do another 70.3 in the future – the half ironman distance, I would definitely say “yes”. But maybe with a better planning: from months before, weeks before, to one day before the race: drink lots of water (I knew I missed this because of the tight schedule) to “save” the liquid inside of my body. And of course, to avoid any brokenhearted or hurting feelings few months before the race :p

But I did ask God, again, about why He let me experienced something I am so longing for from long time ago. He said: “be patience as you need to be patient with yourself when you are going for a long distance race. Beautiful things dwell in time”. He is right. I kept going by telling myself: “no need to be in a rush, you are with your own pace”. If I feel the pain, I slow down. If I think I can push just a little bit more, I push myself to the limit.

I knew that I have several physical limitations, and I cannot escape from the calcium dependencies. Normally I take calcium once in two days, but two weeks before the race, I took twice in a day. It helped a lot. Not only we need to take care of our nutrition intake, but vitamin intake as well (depends on in which  area you are lacking of ). It did not mean that I was too forcing myself, I knew I still can hold the pain. So I kept going, slowly, but to reach one destination: the finish line.

I thank God I am free from injury. I thank God I finished the race safe. The difficulties I faced during the race turned out because the relapsing hormonal imbalance that affects so badly to all my metabolism. Doctors told me to shorten the distance of my outdoor activities. But I want to be a living proof that if you train your mind and body, anything is possible. But don’t forget to listen to your body as well. Understand your own body, what he/she wants and needs.

No. Never give up. Being an inspiration is not only about standing on the stage, holding a title as a winner, but it is also about not giving up. So, winners are winners, but finishers are also winners.

This race is dedicated for the people around me – who really wish to be as active as me, but they say that they couldn’t, or they are too lazy to start, or they are too difficult to commit at least half an hour everyday, or cannot manage their time well enough – I want to tell you all that nothing is impossible if you believe you can. Nothing is impossible if you are willing to sacrifice your time. Nothing is impossible if you are patient with yourself.

I am a singing writer (three books in progress) who do long distance Tri. If I can, why can’t you?

Train yourself to be dedicated to something that will make you live.

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